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Supermarket Karaoke

Here's a couple of million-dollar ideas, free for the using.

Supermarket Karaoke What do they play over the sound system at the grocery store? Brown-eyed Girl. My Heart Will Go On. Crazy. Desperado. In essence, the guys at the local Safeway are playing "The Best of the Karaoke Standards, Volume I". Well why not just make it official by putting a small stage and some spotlights in the produce section? Hell, they already have that intercom in place, so, really, this would require very little additional equipment. And between songs the bagboy / DJ could make requests for more cashiers and price checks on Triskets. It's a win-win-win scheme, really -- well, until someone sings "Bust a Move," I guess.

Latchkey Kitty Soap Operas Like many cats in America, my Louie is a Latchkey Kitty -- my wife and I leave him alone from nine to five every day while we're away at work. We read somewhere that cats like the sound of voices when left alone, so we leave NPR on all day. (I don't know if he really cares, but I do know that he's now much better versed in the Middle East conflict and the Catholic priesthood scandal than either of us.) But what would be really great is if someone would make Kitty Cat Soap Operas: Hour-long dramas that intertwine a number of cat-related plotlines. And since cats are creatures of simple needs, you wouldn't even need a script writer, you could just depict cats doing the seven things that cats do. In one of the stories you could show a cat slowly creeping up on a bird over the course of the hour and making the kill in the triumphant finale; in a second you could show a cat playing with some tinfoil; a third could just be shots of a cat sleeping on a radiator. Best of all, since cats crave routine and are devoid of memory, you could just show the same episode each and every day. You could even have a racier nighttime version with a "mating" subplot that unfixed cats could watch after their people have gone to bed. Line up some cat food and kitty litter advertisers and you've got yourself a show! (Although the ads might only be effective on those cats who do the household shopping, which I suspect isn't very many. Hmm. This idea may have a flaw.)

Posted on April 11, 2002 to Great Ideas