I'm feeling a little under the weather, so I'm drinking echinacea tea this morning in lieu of coffee. Echinacea tastes awful but apparently has some astounding curative properties. As near as I can tell, here's how those curative properties work: if you deny yourself coffee and instead ingest this disgustingly foul substance each time you get sick, eventually you body will learn to never, ever get sick -- not unlike a housecat who gets squirted with water whenever he pees on your slippers.

As further incentive I've decided that, from here on out, I'm going to reward my body with a jelly donut every morning that it is not sick.