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Rapture Snarls Morning Commute

Rapture Snarls Morning Commute

SEATTLE -- Morning traffic ground to a halt this morning after The Rapture left dozens of vehicles abruptly unoccupied. At 8:38 AM an estimated 47 faithful Christians floated through the tops of their cars and ascended to heaven, leaving their abandoned automobiles to touch off accidents and pileups throughout the region. Although towtrucks were immediately dispatched to the affected areas, the traffic on all major Interstates had not yet resumed as of press time. Mayor Greg Nichols assured Seattle residents that he was doing everything in his power to return things to normal, but many commuters found themselves frustrated by the standstill. "Of all the days for Christ to return, he had to pick a Tuesday," complained commuter Janice Fent, who had been struck in traffic for nearly an hour. "The secretary brings donuts on Tuesdays, and if I don't get to the office by 9:00 all the good ones will be gone. What, he couldn't return on a weekend? You'd think Christ, of all people, would have shown a little courtesy." When asked about the impending Tribulation, when God will come to earth to pass judgement on non-believers, motorist Calvin Aniello replied "You want Tribulation? Check out my supervisor if I don't make it to this 10:30 meeting."

Posted on September 03, 2002 to News