Lucasfilms Ltd. has inked an exclusive agreement with the White House to air the "Star Wars: Episode III" trailer before the upcoming War on Iraq. "The most exciting military action of the 21st century just got better!," boasted White House spokesman Ari Fleischer. "You'll come to see Anakin, but you'll stay for the bombing!"
Calvin Penner, market analyst for Variety, says the arrangement is a big win for both parties. "It's a perfect fit. The key demographic for the Star Wars franchise tends to be middle-class males, 18-40, who want to experience all the drama and adventure of battle without ever leaving their chair. And that's exactly who the White House hopes will rally behind this war."
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was equally enthusiastic. "The America people will get to see the conclusion to the Star Wars Saga and the Saddam Saga all in the same year," he said at a press conference earlier today. When asked what would happen if military strikes against Iraq were ultimately found to be unnecessary, Rumsfeld replied "No war, no trailer -- that's the deal we signed."
The message boards at jedijunction.com were immediately flooded with fans eager to discuss the latest development. "the midle-east looks just like tatoonie so this works out grate!!" noted one. But some worried that anti-war protests could derail the event. "If you see any hippies, tell them to go home!" a poster urged. "They're probably a bunch of new-age Trekkies anyhow."
As part of the agreement, a new subplot -- in which Obi-Wan Kenobi urges the Republic to slash taxes -- will be added to the Episode III screenplay. In return, the US Government has promised to digitally insert Jar-Jar Binks into 5% of their Iraq War footage before turning it over to CNN. Bush's request that Lucas loan them "some of those Battle Droids," however, has reportedly been denied.