That's why Adipose Industries (a child corporation of defective yeti Foods and Lockheed Martin Aeronautics) is pleased to introduce
Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkies!
Chocolate-Covered Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkies
Pork-Flavored Chocolate-Covered Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkies
Deep-Fried Pork-Flavored Chocolate-Covered Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkies
Adipose Industries' revolutionary secret process is to take a traditional deep-fried Twinkie and deep-fry it, adding a patented second layer of oil and batter to this already delicious, nutrient-free treat! You'd have to eat 730 bowls of Total to get the same caloric content as a single Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkie-- that's enough energy to power your SUV to the moon ... and back!
But don't just take our word for it: "American Glutton Monthly" ranked the Deep-Fried Deep-Fried Twinkie #4 in their 2002 "Excellence In Corpulence" issue! And "Eating Well" magazine called it "an abhorrence"!
So drive, don't run, to your nearest county fair, and experience all the seizure-inducing excitement this fat-tactular snack has to offer!