It's not enough to just dress like a Cheez-It, you have to really act the part.

Many women use Halloween as an excuse to dress up in skimpy, sexy outfits. You should not be one of them.

Make sure your "Human Torch" costume is flame-retardant before setting it ablaze.

To avoid breaking fingers while stealing candy, grip a roll of quarters when punching other children.

Prevent stomachaches by eating no more than one Snickers bar per minute.

Stop sending me that jpg of the vomiting pumpkin or I will kill you.

Only put safety razors in apples.

It's always a good idea to write your incantation down backwards on a piece of paper and keep it handy during the ritual, just in case you need to do a hasty unsummoning.

While Trick-or-Treating, it's best to wear a bright, reflective vest over your Spider-Man costume to ensure that you look totally lame.

Oh my god! Get out of the house! The killer is calling from upstairs!!