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'Axies' Fever Sweeps Globe

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei holds Iran's Axie aloft during his acceptance speech at the 2002 State of the Union Address.
"Axies" Fever is sweeping the globe, as leaders and citizens around the world eagerly anticipate tomorrow's announcement of the 2003 "Axis of Evil" inductees.

The Axis of Evil Awards -- or "Axies," as they have come to be called -- are the brainchild of US President George Bush, who distributed the first four awards during the 2002 State of the Union address. Intended to "recognize those nations who have gone the extra, evil mile," the Axies have since become one of the most coveted awards a country can receive.

World leaders have spent billions in recent months to call attention to their evil deeds, some taking out full-page ads in The New York Times, others sending videotapes of atrocities directly to the White House. In an unusual move, a top Nigerian official has sent unsolicited email to millions of people documenting his nation's practice of "setting up companies and awarding themselves contracts which were grossly over-invoiced."

But despite the fervor, not everyone is looking forward to the event. "The Axies are nothing but a big anti-popularity contest," groused Bashar al-Assad, leader of Syria, whose nation is expected to be passed over again this year. "We are way more evil than Iraq, but just because they tried to assassinate Bush's father they got the award. Suck-ups." Others have insinuated that the entire selection process is rife with corruption. "The voting is totally rigged," says Jean Chrétien, Prime Minister of Canada. "How else do you explain last year's winners: Iraq, Iran, North Korea, and wilwheaton.net?"

Still, such accusations have not dampened the spirits of the hundreds waiting outside the Congressional building in Washington D.C., many of whom camped out for weeks in the hopes of securing a seat. Delegates from France and Germany stand near the front of the line and boast about how they became Axies favorites last week. A dozen Beijing officials, clad in "Go China!" t-shirts, predict that their nation will take home a statuette. And, nearby, a dozen bureaucrats from Iceland say that, while their country's chances are slim this year, the Axies are a perfect forum to spread word of Icelandic Evil. "Maybe in 2004," President Ólafur Ragnar says wistfully.

The 2003 Axis of Evil Awards will air tomorrow on all major networks, and begins at 9:00 EST with host Whoopi Goldberg delivering the State of the Union Address.

Posted on January 27, 2003 to News





Comments

I heard that Germany pulled out of the competition, stating that it knows it's not evil enough. But that France is.

Posted by: peggy on January 27, 2003 3:47 PM

Congratulations on finding the Ó on your keyboard and spellig Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson correctly :)
As an Icelander I can assure you we are a very, very devious people.

Posted by: Anonymous Coward on January 28, 2003 12:14 AM

Even the Anonymous Coward above is politicking....jeez. Does it ever stop?

Posted by: Mike on January 28, 2003 5:25 AM

I used to think it didn't get more "eviler" than Wil Wheaton, but Peggy's mention of France has me reconsidering that stance.

Posted by: BillB on January 28, 2003 8:40 AM

I was gone for the awards, so who won? This is important, since I had $25 on Serbia, Massachusetts and the men's room at the Greyhound bus terminal.

Posted by: Cowboy Kahlil on January 28, 2003 9:27 PM

does matthew read these comments i wonder?

Posted by: sahric on January 31, 2003 9:44 AM

Fervently.

Posted by: Matthew on January 31, 2003 9:50 AM

down with usa

Posted by: Anonymous on May 18, 2004 7:39 AM

DOWN WITH USA
DOWN WITH ISRAEL

Posted by: Anonymous on May 18, 2004 7:41 AM