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Great Ideas A Go Go

Here are some Million Dollar Ideas I have come up with recently but am too lazy to do anything with.

  • Combination Cell Phone / Electric Shaver: Now men on their way to work can engage in two of the most dangerous while-driving activities at the same time! Woo!

  • Caffinated Pens: If instinct is going to impel me to chew them, I might as well get a buzz.

  • Hummus Deodorant: I loves me some hummus, but I am disinclined to eat anything that smells like hippie. That's where Hummus Deodorant would enter the equation. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a traditional Middle-Eastern spread."

  • Condensed Movies For Old People: If there's one thing old people like, it's condensed stuff. Well, okay: if there's only one thing old people like it's buffet-style restaurants, granted, but if there's two things old people like it's buffet-style restaurants and condensed stuff. Digests full of condensed magazine articles. Books full of condensed novels. Condensed milk. So they should make condensed movies for old people. Condensed movies would be just like full-length movies except two minutes long. They would contain all the best special effects, action sequences, and jokes from the film, and a voiceover would give a quick summary of the plot. ("In a world ... full of violence ... one man lives on both sides of the law ..."). They could show maybe seven or eight condensed movies before the feature presentation. Best of all, theaters wouldn't have to make any changes, since modern "teasers" pretty much show you the entire film already.
    Narrator: ... and you'll never guess the shocking finale!

    Female Lead In Film: I can't believe that you, my husband, are the murderer!

    Male Lead In Film: It's true. And look, here comes our dog, the one we thought was killed in the first half an hour of the movie!

    Female Lead In Movie: I am a man.

    All theaters would really have to do is (a) start charging old people $8 to see the trailers and then (b) roust them from the cinema before the actual film starts so that they can go to Royal Fork instead of sitting behind me and hollering "WHAT DID HE SAY?!" to each other after every line of dialog. Win-win!
  • Posted on June 13, 2003 to Great Ideas


    I don't think that shaving while driving is particularly dangerous... Unless you're trying to shave into a specific pattern... Otherwise it's basically moving your hand in a circle pattern around your face.

    Posted by: Ryan Waddell on June 13, 2003 4:30 PM

    Actually, butter makes a much better deodorant than hummus. I've known marathon runners to stick a cheese sandwich under each armpit before starting the big race. By about the 7-mile marker, they've got a couple of tasty grilled cheese snacks ready for eatin'.

    Posted by: dave on June 13, 2003 4:35 PM

    I'm sure that women would be even more likely than men to use the combination cell phone-shaver, if you are willing to manufacture it in hot pink. Attach a mascara brush to it, and it's a sure-fire hit with the ladies!

    Posted by: rootbeer on June 13, 2003 4:50 PM

    That is what I love about you, Matthew...you and I are idea men...we're thinkers...trying to take society forward.

    I think with your electric shaver/phone and my automobile eletric blanket...we have the makings of a major mega corporation. I use to be afraid to try new things, but with your guidance I think I'm ready.

    mmmm....armpit butter

    Posted by: agraham on June 13, 2003 6:20 PM

    rootbeer - add lipstick and you've got a deal!

    Posted by: Pickle on June 13, 2003 7:01 PM

    buffet style restaurants are a great way to shoplift enormous amounts of gummi bears for your mediocre summer project.

    Posted by: Professeur Fou on June 15, 2003 9:55 PM

    As an avid pen (and pencil and fingernail) chewer, I wonder if you can tell me why it is instinct to do so.

    (Yeti very smart.)

    Posted by: brittney on June 15, 2003 10:02 PM

    There is a line of perfumes based around everyday items you could propose the Hummus idea too. They have tomato and dirt scents. Could be a hit.

    Posted by: King Mahmood on June 16, 2003 12:32 AM

    Shaving while driving isn't dangerous. Unless you're a blind man. (Friends don't let friends drive blind. Hmm...) Trying to give yourself a trim with a flowbie while driving is pretty dangerous too.

    Posted by: Capt. Karoo on June 16, 2003 7:27 AM

    I don't know, karoo. I wouldn't want to be on the highway when a lady shaving her bikini line is merging into traffic...

    Posted by: ranger on June 16, 2003 9:46 AM

    ...uh...I wouldn't want to be shaving my bikini line while doing anything but idling...

    I'd like a combination cell phone/caffeinated pen. That's THREE dangerous activities at once...

    Posted by: Laurie on June 16, 2003 11:02 AM

    I'm really not too keen on the hummus deodorant idea... mainly due to my strong dislike of deodorant "balls" which fall out of my sleeves onto anything I'm sitting on or near. They look gross when you raise your arm as well. I can't imagine hummus being any less apt to form deodorant balls than your normal everyday stick deodorant.

    If you could make clear hummus that didn't ball up as you moved your arms around during the day -- well, that would be killer. Then I could smell "hippie" without the requisite slept-in-trash look.

    Posted by: Chari on June 16, 2003 12:09 PM

    Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I understood the hummus deoderant idea to mean that the hummus would wear the deoderant; or rather, that the eater would apply it to the hummus so it wouldn't smell. Actually, I only understood it that way after some reflection, after I decided that the other didn't make any sense at all. Matthew, tell us which you meant!

    Posted by: Danny on June 16, 2003 6:51 PM

    You know Danny, I think you're right! I read it in the wrong context... {grins sheepishly}

    Posted by: Chari on June 17, 2003 7:20 AM

    Genius is never understood in its own time.

    Yes, the deodorant would be applied to the hummus, to mask an aroma that smells, to me, disturbingly similar to BO.

    Posted by: Matthew on June 17, 2003 8:03 AM


    These inventions are perfect for the Halfbakery! I suggest you submit them forthwith!

    Posted by: rmutt on June 17, 2003 5:34 PM

    Condensed movies are an excellent idea. Works well for books too.

    Posted by: Mr. Nosuch on June 24, 2003 9:40 AM

    me thinks mr nosuch read the condensed version of this site

    Posted by: Tiffini on August 5, 2003 1:24 PM

    I've never been exposed to Hummus so I suppose I am missing out. But I remember as a kid in certain pizza parlors the place smelled sorta like poop...

    Posted by: Martin Alak on September 12, 2003 11:46 AM

    damn, i thought you meant YOU wore the hummus deoderant-nothing turns me on more than hippies with food smells.

    Posted by: Charlotte on March 28, 2004 9:21 AM