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Best For Last

Sorry I couldn't post yesterday, but I spent all day standing in line for the big midnight premier. I thought getting there a day early would put me near the front of the queue, but people had been lining up all week so I was closer to the middle.

The atmosphere in line was electric: everyone was super excited and a lot of folks were in costumes and stuff. There was this one guy near the front of the line dressed like an Xtreme snowboarding pig. I don't know if he made the costume himself or rented it but, either way, it was awesome.

This is the first time I'd gone to one of these big "opening night" debuts. I really loved the first two in the series, but both times I had been content to experience them a few weeks after they had come out. But this time -- I dunno, I just couldn't wait. I really wanted to be one of the first people in the world to taste the latest addition to the line.

My enthusiasm was mostly due to the fact that the first two wildly exceeded my expectations. Like a lot of people, I was pretty apprehensive when I heard they were making the first one -- I figured they were going to completely mess up a classic. So I was totally blown away when I finally tried Mountain Dew: Code Red and discovered that it was not only faithful to the spirit of the original Mountain Dew, but actually improved upon it. I liked Code Red so much, in fact, that I was certain that the second would fall short of the standard it set. But Mountain Dew: Livewire was everything I'd hoped it would be. Sure, I wasn't wild about its finish, but what do you expect for the second installment in a trilogy?

Anyway. Last night, at exactly 12:00, they threw open the doors to the Safeway and we finally got the opportunity to purchase Mountain Dew: Porcine Glory. And my review? It was fantastic! They truly saved the best for last. All the caffeine of the original Mountain Dew in a pork-flavored soda -- genius! It didn't feel like a sequel at all; in fact, it tasted like the others in the series had been inexorably building to this wonderous, grand conclusion. This is a beverage I'll be drinking again and again!

If Porcine Glory doesn't win "Best Soft Drink" at the 2004 Thirsties it will be nothing short of a scandal. Mark my words.

Posted on December 17, 2003 to Storytelling


I guess it would have been too obvious to use the Primus album "Pork Soda" for the soundtrack but, as it stands, I think the Nigel Westlake score is quite sufficient.

Posted by: Dan Kibler on December 17, 2003 11:28 AM

Did you hear who their new spokesman is? Arnold Ziffle...

Posted by: Stacey on December 17, 2003 11:41 AM

I've always been partial to a tall glass of Sporkle....


Posted by: Jon on December 17, 2003 11:43 AM

Hey, at least it's better than Turkey and Gravy Soda:


Posted by: Ryan Waddell on December 17, 2003 12:19 PM

that was great... you really had me going!

Posted by: jesse on December 17, 2003 12:39 PM

bloody hell, I feel like an idiot.

Posted by: livie on December 17, 2003 3:06 PM

I once spent three hours in a lineup for a half-drunk bottle of Zima. Only it turned out that everyone there had a voucher, so we all had to share it. The bottle got passed to five different people and then some yutz with sweaty hands dropped it. We all dove for it at once, somehow the bottle got smashed int the struggle, and that's how I got this scar on my cheek.

Posted by: palinode on December 17, 2003 3:22 PM

you miss an entry, and this is the best you can do?

no, you didn't have me going. I knew that it wasn't serious once I'd finished the first paragraph and you hadn't dropped the 'title of the movie'.


Posted by: pippi on December 17, 2003 7:05 PM

You like Code Red? It's just Hawaiin Punch made with Water Joe...

Posted by: Anonymous on December 17, 2003 7:27 PM

If its any consolation you had me going ;)

Posted by: adam k on December 17, 2003 7:28 PM

Had me going. You made me feel better about my own nerdiness and then forced me to hang my head in shame.

Posted by: Miel on December 17, 2003 8:54 PM

Definitely had me going.

I dressed up for the first one and went to the premiers of both, but it's not going to happen for the last installment. I have to wait till Saturday.

I was actually hoping for a review. They seem to be hard to come by in the blog circuit...

Posted by: Natalie on December 17, 2003 9:02 PM

OK Natalie, here's a review.

Return of the King is the best in the series. It was great. Can it be picked apart for various things here and there? Certainly. But it's one of the few endings I've seen that are better than the prior films. I saw it at noon today, and was ready to go back and see it again tonight, but decided against it. I will be seeing it again though.

Posted by: Windopaene on December 17, 2003 10:39 PM

Code Red - the beverage of choice for black hats and white hats alike!

Posted by: Dunsany on December 17, 2003 10:39 PM

I thought it a little odd when, after downing their fizzing bottles of midnight bliss, some of my fellow MD enthusiasts started to twitch and talk to themselves in third person.

And why the hell am I dressed in this pig costume, precious?

Posted by: Hannah on December 18, 2003 10:35 AM

I'd rather stand in line for a day and drink pork flavored mountian dew than suffer through The Matrix Revolutions again.

Posted by: Anonymous on December 18, 2003 5:34 PM

pork soda indeed. primus sucks! (inside joke, for those who might misconstrue)

also, just to clarify, mountain dew livewire is utter shite. it tastes like minute maid orange soda with some oxy-clean stirred into it.

give me some citra or mandarin orange sprite instead, both of which are unfortunately out of production.

Posted by: unmute on December 18, 2003 6:51 PM

Mountain Dew makes me drunk. Not even kidding. I think if I ever actually imbibed any ammount of alcohol, I'd just sort of fall into a coma. And if I ever did any kind of weird drug, I'd probably just explode. Spontaneously combust. It wouldn't be pretty.

Posted by: Natalie on December 21, 2003 10:17 PM

Grab yerself a can 'o pork soda!
You'll be feelin' just fine!
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' round the house,
Swillin' down those cans 'o swine!


Posted by: dr gonzo on December 23, 2003 1:26 PM

where can i find a can of this infamous turkey gravy soda?

Posted by: Mr. Jupter on May 25, 2004 4:25 AM