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DNC Urges Clinton's Demise

The Democratic National Committee, citing the "unfair advantage" accrued by the Bush campaign in the wake of Ronald Reagan's passing, today called on Bill Clinton to perish in late September or October of this year. "Oh c'mon, you finished your book. What do you have left to live for, Hillary?" asked DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe in a personal appeal to the 42nd President. "Help a brother out -- another Wellstone Memorial would be awesome." McAuliffe suggested to Clinton that he die by "running into a burning building to save a child" or "getting the shiv while thwarting a mugging" for maximum effect. He implored Clinton, however, to assiduously avoid those fatalities that in any way involve oral sex.

Posted on June 10, 2004 to News