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My Proposed Constitutional Amendment

Less than a month after the 2004 election, attention has already turned to the 2008 match-up, with Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton the presumptive front-runners for the two parties' nominations.

Honestly, would it be too much to ask that the requirements for the highest office in the land be at least as stringent as those used by zany morning DJs at radio stations across the nation?

Also, the 101st voter in every county should win a CD Combo Pack and two tickets to an upcoming Avril Lavigne concert.

Posted on November 17, 2004 to Politics


"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

- H.L. Mencken

Posted by: Cristina on November 17, 2004 11:34 AM

I know--really!!! But then it would be like Richard III or something where you have Jeb knocking off W to beat him to the presidency. It could get really ugly.

This is why I think we should just vote in ONE KING and be done with it.

Posted by: Miel on November 17, 2004 11:53 AM

Actually, I'm charmed by the fact you think we're going to still be having things like 'elections' and actually paying attention to the 'constitution' in the future. You idealist, you!

(You need to close the loophole there, though. W and Jeb don't live in the same household. I'm pretty sure Bill and Hillary don't either.)

Posted by: Super Turtle Girl on November 17, 2004 12:02 PM

Let's not forget about George P. Bush. He's young, good-looking, and he will be old enough to run for President in only seven years--just in time for the 2012 election! (Thats assuming Duhbya screws things up so badly the Republicans lose badly in '08)

You realize, of course, that the name "Bush" has been on every presidential ballot except one since 1980!

Posted by: ERJ on November 17, 2004 12:35 PM

I think that should be "101st"

Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy on November 17, 2004 12:56 PM

I laughed out loud at work. Are you trying to get me fired? If not, please try harder. Thanks.

Posted by: Tony on November 17, 2004 1:11 PM

If the prize involves tickets to Avril Lavigne... are you really a "winner"?

Also, I think there should be some sort of consolation prize for the candidate that wasn't elected. Like a board game about democracy or something.

Posted by: Jack on November 17, 2004 2:03 PM

I hate to do this, but I want to comment on the Brimstone State post and don't seem to be able to do so directly. I apologize for being off-topic, but what was up with that guy?! We here in the State of Miami are often sadly misportrayed as pimps and ho's of questionable IQ. Please! Our Govenor should serve as a good example that while we are usually either stupid or hott (I'm sure you didn't hear the second T), we are never both.

Posted by: Kathleen on November 17, 2004 2:49 PM

Jeb. Jeb. President Jeb. And Vice President Cleetus. No. I don't like it.

I do think Jack is onto something though. Perhaps the runner up could be installed as the President of one of our invaded countries in 2008?

Posted by: Collin on November 17, 2004 3:38 PM

Also, the 101th voter in every county should win a CD Combo Pack and two tickets to an upcoming Avril Lavigne concert.

That's all well and good, Matthew, but doesn't that mean that we and our machines must answer the phone with 'the phrase that pays,' for the benefit of the numerous redundant campaign calls that'll roll in before election day?

Actually, that would simplify things. If they call and hear "Condi's Better Than Blondie: Vote GOP" when you answer then they probably have a good idea of how much you want to hear from them.

Posted by: Louis on November 17, 2004 5:53 PM

For the first time in a while, I actually laughed out loud while reading today's post. My cat immediately jumped in my lap and looked at the monitor too. More proof feline's are intelligent creatures.

Posted by: Betsey on November 17, 2004 6:45 PM

Maybe you can't move in to the white house at all until you beat the old president in a game of his choosing...

Posted by: Big Wang Glick on November 17, 2004 7:13 PM

My God Matt.

While reading your article a sudden surreal image flashed across my mind.

Jeb Bush wearing a toga, sitting in a rocking chair and playing the banjo while behind him Rome burns to the ground.

I shall have nightmares tonight. Oh yes, I shall.

Posted by: The Lung Brothers on November 18, 2004 12:38 AM

Jack: I remember playing a presidential election board game when I was a kid. I'm having trouble remembering its name, but it might have been called Campaign. It was fun in a stuffy sort of way, but it missed out on all the dirty politics that make real modern elections so entertaining.

Posted by: Div on November 18, 2004 7:26 AM

it seems that's the direction we are headed anyhow. apparently the country cares more about personality than performance. go figure.

Posted by: The Mighty Jimbo on November 18, 2004 8:38 AM

Can this amendment be applied retroactively to get Bush, Jr. out of office now?

Posted by: PJ on November 18, 2004 9:42 AM


Of course, JQ Adams and FDR would have been ineligible, too. Maybe not such a good idea after all...

Posted by: Tony on November 18, 2004 11:14 AM

Div, the game you're thinking of is "Landslide." We own a copy, mostly because my husband is a huge board game nerd.

It's actually a pretty fun game.

Posted by: Jan on November 18, 2004 5:13 PM

I believe the proper term is "huge board game GEEK"

Posted by: SH Wong on November 18, 2004 6:18 PM

Damn. That made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

Posted by: moderndaydad on November 18, 2004 11:13 PM