Desperately Seeking Stupid
It's that time of year again: time to ask dy readers to send me stupid shit you can buy on teh Internets for inclusion in my annual "Holiday Survival Guide For Slackers." Examples!
The Little Whizzer Liquor Dispenser is a small, plastic statue of a toddler that pees gin into your tonic. The Spencer Gifts Web site describes this as ‘A great conversation piece with a purpose!’ I have no idea what that purpose could be. Freaking me the hell out, that’s my guess. Guaranteed to elicit exactly one forced guffaw from the gift recipient before he opts to store it in the farthest reaches of his crawlspace.
Those were taken from my 2002 guide, and last year's is available here.
You hate her on radio; you hate her on TV; now you can hate Ms. Schlessinger in the privacy of your own home with the Dr. Laura Board Game! Sure, you could play by the rules, drawing ‘dilemma cards’ and trying to predict what advice Dr. Laura would give, but I find it much more entertaining to simply invite over my favorite gays, feminists, and ‘mixed-marriage’ couples, set the game on the kitchen table, gather ‘round, and hate it. All components 100-percent flammable!
if you have any suggestions for the 2004 installment, please drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org, or mention it in the comments of this post. Thanks!
Posted on December 16, 2004 to dy
Here are a couple for you -
Is it a holy icon, or a dessert? It's BOTH! The nativity scene s'mores kit (http://www.santas-depot.com/shopexd.asp?id=6019)
Remember the reason for the season with these great cards (http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist.9529140)
Happy holidays to you, The Queen, and the Squirrely!
To truly brighten your Holiday Spirits, boost your self-esteem, AND fulfill the gift need of a friend/family member, do this:
Go to ebay and search for "Sad Clown"
After laughing for about a half hour, buy the most hideous item available.
When I read that line about "stupid shit you can but on teh Internets", at first I thought you were parodying the Commander in Chief of the US armed forces, who also talked about the Internets. I've never butted any stupid shit, though.
Intra Customer Service Clerk
hahaha. well played clerks....
Sorry, no bad gift ideas. In fact, I'm writing to say that these sorts of gifts are aimed at me. I almost bought that whizzing drink dispenser for a friend but when I went to the store they didn't have it. This is the same friend who has a keychain with a pig on it. When you squeeze the pig brown poopy stuff comes out its butt and then goes back in.
Thank you, shooshie. Thank you.