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Shafted
BEACONSFIELD, Australia (CNN) -- Rescuers have freed two Australian gold miners who had been trapped underground in a steel cage since April 25, when a small earthquake triggered a rock fall in the Tasmanian gold mine where they worked. They have been getting oxygen, food, water and items such as magazines and iPods through a plastic pipe since they were found April 30 ...
Oh, man. You know whichever brainiac in Apple's marketing department engineered that product placement was rewarded with pay raises and blowjobs today. I think every report on the story for the last two weeks has mentioned the thing at least twice. They're all, like:

TRAPPED MINERS CLING TO HOPE, IPODS

"We're Running Out Of Time!" Says Rescue Foreman Jon Sarno. "Those iPod Batteries Only Last Three Or Four Days, Total!"

Of course now that Apple has pioneered the disaster-related product placement (or "iProd," I as I like to call it), I'm sure all the other major companies will follow suit. Lucky for them there's a mine-related catastrophy every fortnight or so.

PEPSICO FILLS MINE SHAFT WITH COOL, REFRESHING MUG ROOT BEER

"We Serve To Miners," Jokes PepsiCo President Indra Nooyi, Giving The Thumbs Up.

17 trapped workers presumed drowned.

In other news, Bush nominated Mike Hayden as the new CIA chief, describing him as "supremely qualified" and "a consumer of intelligence." Huh. Maybe that's what happened to Bush's intelligence.

Update: Piers Morgan spectulates as to the iPod playlist in the comments:

  • Deeper Underground - Jamiroquai
  • Final Shakedown - Groove Armada
  • Bring The Boys Back Home - Pink Floyd
  • Avalanche Rock - The Avalanches
  • Lucky - Radiohead
  • Cause A Rockslide - Badly Drawn Boy
  • Waiting For The Worms - Pink Floyd
  • Survival - Nightmares On Wax
  • Alive And Kicking - Simple Minds
  • From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys
  • Down In It - Tiga
  • Rock Box - Run DMC
  • Very, Very Hungry - Brian Eno & David Byrne
  • Trapped - Colonel Abrams
  • Disasters Are OK - Letting Up Despite Great Faults

Posted on May 08, 2006 to News





Comments

Just what our government needs: another consumer.

As for the cowboy--the man didn't have any intelligence to start.

The man gives a whole new meaning to the chant, "two more years."

Posted by: Wende on May 8, 2006 9:34 PM

I don't really mind a bit of product placement... especially now as those vultures they call reporters will finally have to leave the town.

I remember one night were a wandering reporting was interviewing a miner's parents and asking all sorts of probing questions like if they how they mentally prepared themselves for the possibility that their son might die and if they regret ever letting him go into that mine.

Or how when the town was elated to find there were 2 survivors the reported kept asking how they could celebrate seeing as 1 miner was found dead.

Posted by: Jack on May 8, 2006 10:08 PM

Haha! "we serve to miners". That'll keep me laughing through most of the day.

Posted by: Tim on May 9, 2006 6:04 AM

Am I the only one who saw 'wandering reporters' and immediately wondered how much xp they'd be worth? Anyone?

Posted by: Kevin on May 9, 2006 6:09 AM


Oh come on. When Bush called Hayden a provider and consumer of intelligence he was being way too modest. Why I bet he not only consumes and supplies intelligence but can surely also manufacture it when itís called for. And itís just this kind of patriotic secret service self-sufficiency (alliteration egad!) that this administration demands of itís agencies.

Posted by: Lung the Younger on May 9, 2006 6:38 AM

I don't know what Hayden did before he was DirNSA (director, National Security Agency) but most officers in the military, if they are in long enough, see some form of intelligence. Is that what is supposed to qualify him as a "consumer" of intelligence? While he was DirNSA, he produced intelligence - including the illegal wire tapping of U.S. citizens w/o court order. I believe he's the one that started that program. When I worked at NSA, communications of any type that involved U.S. citizens were sacrosanct. Any record of it was immediately purged and reviews were held to make sure that it wasn't done on purpose and that there was no remaining record of it. We took the laws seriously back then. Just the guy we need running the CIA.

Posted by: Bob on May 9, 2006 7:50 AM

I'm surprised there wasn't more product placement associated with the miners, given the amount of coverage it's been getting. There have been a number of delays in getting the two men out (they're out now, finally) so it seemed every hour there was a "breaking update" about the rescue effort.

When I first heard that the miners had been given iPods, I imagined what they might have found on the playlists:

Deeper Underground - Jamiroquai
Final Shakedown - Groove Armada
Bring The Boys Back Home - Pink Floyd
Avalanche Rock - The Avalanches
Lucky - Radiohead
Cause A Rockslide - Badly Drawn Boy
Waiting For The Worms - Pink Floyd
Survival - Nightmares On Wax
Alive And Kicking - Simple Minds
From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys
Down In It - Tiga
Rock Box - Run DMC
Very, Very Hungry - Brian Eno & David Byrne
Trapped - Colonel Abrams
Disasters Are OK - Letting Up Despite Great Faults

I heard the miners actually requested country music.

Posted by: Piers Morgan on May 9, 2006 7:55 AM

Blowjobs? Wow, I didn't realize DY was such a smutty site. Do you kiss the Queen with that mouth?

Oh, and the reports now mention that the miners asked to stop by a McDonalds drive-thru on the way to the hospital.

Posted by: duane on May 9, 2006 9:39 AM

I read that when they got the pipe in place, the miners asked for ham and eggs, but the people above ground kept sending them other things.

Miners: Ham and eggs, please?
Rescue Team: Here's some water.

M: Ham and eggs, please?
RT: Here's some iPods.

M: Ham and eggs, please?
RT: Here's some blankets.

It's no wonder the miners didn't get out & slap someone silly...

Posted by: Brian Greenberg on May 9, 2006 10:09 AM

I would just like to say to any miners that are reading, that should you become (gol forbid!) trapped in a mine, I will be willing to print out and send down hardcopy of my blog, Halushki.

I'm just saying.

And lol at the playlist! (Is it too soon? Sorry.)

Posted by: jozet on May 9, 2006 10:23 AM

Consumer of intelligence? Like a zombie?


Brains.... brains....

Posted by: MR on May 9, 2006 12:18 PM

Wait a minute! I find the idea of blowjobs being used as rewards completely sexist. What if the Apple marketer was female? Please change the statement to read: the braniac was rewarded with pay raises and carpet munching.

Posted by: jmrfife on May 9, 2006 12:38 PM

help! i am trapped under a mountain of unpaid bills, postal circulars, back issues of WIRED, AOL CD-ROMs, pizza boxes, laundry, and dirty diapers! i'd like an iPod, please. thank you.

Posted by: r@d@r on May 9, 2006 3:17 PM

Bob, you don't put the abbreviation before the text. "DirNSA (director, National Security Agency)" should read "director, National Security Agency (DirNSA)". Then, having established what the abbreviation is for, you can safely use DirNSA in the rest of the text. A lesson for all of you, dear readers.

I thank you.

Posted by: jon power on May 9, 2006 3:58 PM

In the 70s there was a song called "Timothy" and the song was about three guys who got stuck in a mine. The song has a catchy tune telling the tale of the singer, Joe and Timothy. They went in three and came out two. The chorus "Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go?? TImothy, Timothy, God why I don't I know???" Joe said he'd give anything for just a piece of meat. Suddenly Timothy was gone, Steve and the singer had full bellies. You realize that they are singing about eating Timothy.

http://www.chromehorse.net/rants/rants01/timothy.htm

Posted by: Ter on May 9, 2006 5:49 PM

Nice playlist, Piers Morgan.
You missed out 'The Bee Gees - New York Mining Disaster 1941'.
Or is that a bit too obvious...?

Posted by: stringman on May 9, 2006 9:43 PM

You know it was total product placement. We didn't even get to know what magazines those were.

Posted by: ozma on May 9, 2006 11:57 PM

abc news adds another product in their report:

Webb and Russell were driven through town in two ambulances, their back doors open so they could wave to townsfolk, and underwent tests at a hospital.

They also handed out small cards that read: "The Great Escape. To all who have helped and supported us and our families, we cannot wait to shake your hand and (buy) you a Sustagen," referring to a nutrition drink the pair sipped during their ordeal.

Posted by: mel p on May 10, 2006 12:31 AM

Sounds like getting stuck in a mine could be quite a lucrative business venture.

"In the future, everyone will be trapped in a mine for 15 minutes."

Posted by: Piers Morgan on May 10, 2006 2:42 AM

Hilarious. The post, the playlist, all of it. Nice work.

Posted by: K on May 10, 2006 9:55 AM

They're not the first to think of exploiting a tragedy to gain a marketing edge. I used to work for a petfood company and we always sent dog and catfood to any natural disaster. I assunme it was for the pets not the people. In any case I'm sure the PR department managed to get a few well placed stories in the press about it.

Posted by: Tillerman on May 10, 2006 11:55 AM

Those super-capacious iPods surely have room for:

Blue Sky Mine by Midnight Oil

Posted by: Vaguely Urban on May 10, 2006 3:22 PM

I was worried that you were quoting notorious UK newspaper editor, Piers Morgan...

Posted by: Simstim on May 10, 2006 6:07 PM

Apparently the Foo Fighters heard that the miners were listening to their music, so the lead said that when they got out, he'd fly over and buy them both a beer.
The amount of coverage it got was amazing. It was spretty much non-stop here on the weekend, everytime someone went into the clubhouse at baseball, they'd come back with an update on the progress. Great to see the media and corporations can make a buck out of anything

Posted by: Vanessa on May 10, 2006 7:18 PM

I assure you, he and I are nothing alike. And I think you mean notorious former UK newspaper editor, he got fired for making up stories, didn't he?

Posted by: Piers Morgan on May 10, 2006 7:20 PM

I don't think the Foo Fighters Frontman said he'd fly anywhere, but he did offer the two guys tickets to any of their shows, any time, and beer. The Foo Fighters don't seem like the kind of band that would do that for a publicity stunt, but they sure did get a hell of a lot of coverage for it.

Posted by: Piers Morgan on May 10, 2006 7:28 PM

'Course all these tunes were special remixes, pitched in Abminor...

"Wandering reporters" are worth 10 xp plus 1 xp per hit point, if they have a blog.

Posted by: Chris Corrigan on May 10, 2006 8:00 PM

"I assure you, he and I are nothing alike. And I think you mean notorious former UK newspaper editor, he got fired for making up stories, didn't he?"

I guessed that from the blog, however he is currently the joint owner of the Press Gazette so he's not been completely ejected from the UK media scene...

Posted by: Simstim on May 10, 2006 9:47 PM

I was gonna add the Bee Gees NYMD to the list of songs, but Stringman beat me to it.

How about Gaelic Storm's "Down Underground" and The Elders "Fire in the Hole?"

Posted by: April on May 11, 2006 9:24 AM

Um, hello? Why has no one made an "underground music" joke? Does that date me too much among you "indie music" people? Oh, well, I'll wait for a mine disaster in Indian, Indiana, or on an Indian Reservation.

Posted by: the other white jason on May 12, 2006 5:47 AM

Here's another song for your playlist:
Hungry For You [J'Aurais Toujours Faim De Toi] - The Police

Phew, so glad they got them out before it came to that...

Posted by: liz on May 12, 2006 12:11 PM

Esquooze me, "blowjobs"? And you think the marketing genius was a man because...?

Someone is cruising for a Queen-size bitchslap.

Posted by: JN on May 12, 2006 8:09 PM

Until Your Heart Stops by Cave In
It's a little macabre but there's a killer breakdown. Also, maybe Wire - Outdoor Miner, but that's pushing it.

Posted by: Scooter on May 14, 2006 2:34 PM

Regarding the listlessness, apathy, idealism...What if the person is 34 and exhibits all these symptoms? Argh!

Posted by: maarmie on May 16, 2006 9:39 AM