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Time In A Bottle

Parents! Is your son or daughter between 12 and 17 years of age and exhibiting one or more of the following symptoms?

  • Listlessness
  • Apathy
  • Mood Swings
  • Idealism
  • Hyperactivity
  • Malaise
  • Irritability
  • Egomania

If so, your child may be suffering from the debilitating effects of Youth.

More than 1 billion people worldwide are burdened with the ravages of Youth, and approximately one out of every one person will suffer the symptoms of Youth at some point in their life. But the crushing effects of Youth extend well beyond just the afflicted: teachers are driven to the brink of insanity, old people endure the indignity of having their lawn used as a short cut, and bands such as System of a Down continue to thrive.

But now there's hope.

If you suspect your child might be stricken with Youth, talk to your physician about Time. Time is the all-natural remedy for Youth, guaranteed to lessen your child's exuberance, curiosity, and spontaneity in as little as 10-40 years.

Ask your doctor about Time. Time: It Heals All Wounds*

* This statement has not be evaluated by the FDA. Side effects of Time include: aches, pains, balding, hearing loss, sight loss, memory loss, impotents, bitterness, disillusionment, the nagging feeling that every new person you meet looks like someone from your past, inability to sleep past 5:00 am, inability to stay awake beyond 8:00 PM, inability to drive faster than 35 miles per hour, technological incompetence, fondness for game shows, Republicanism, and death.
Posted on May 10, 2006 to Humor