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A Pitcher's Worth A Thousand Words

I get a lot email. Not all of it is mine.

To: Matthew Baldwin
From: Geoffrey Ambler
Subject: Friday Night

Hey Matt,

I was talking to frazz last night and we were talking about how we should have a late night dinner before we go out of friday. I have work til like 630 on friday and then I am coming into the city with bull should be there by 9. Make a reservation somewhere for like 930. I mean bars don't get good til after 11- 1130 anyway. We might aswell eat and drink and then drink drink delta til 6 am. Let me know what you think?

I love you,

* * *

To: Geoffrey Ambler
From: Matthew Baldwin
Subject: Re: Friday Night

Hey, Geoff. This sounds great, except I think you're probably talking about a different city than the one I live in (Seattle). Also, you may have intended this to go to a different Matthew Baldwin. Sounds like a good time, though.

Best to frazz and bull,

* * *

To: Matthew Baldwin
From: Geoffrey Ambler
Subject: Re: Friday Night

You know what you're right the baldwin I am talking about is straight. You must be his gay twin who his fucking Jamie Moyer (pitcher for the seattle mariners). I'm sorry man I won't bother you anymore. Seattle, huh, doesn't it rain 23 hours a day 6 days a week there?

Best to grunge rock and starbucks!

* * *

To: Geoffrey Ambler
From: Matthew Baldwin
Subject: Re: Friday Night

Oh hey man, I thought you knew: Jamie Moyer (pitcher for the seattle mariners) and I broke up back in February. It was probably for the best. Honestly, we'd been drifting apart for years. He spent so much time on the road with the team, and I was spending so much time on my latch-hook ... you know how it goes. We were really only staying together for the kids there at the end, you know?

I still see him occationally, at Starbucks or grunge music concerts. He's moved on now, I guess -- got a new guy named Trevor or Tyler or something.

Thanks for asking, though -- it means a lot to me that you care.

Well, too bad Friday night didn't work out for us. I guess I'll just stay at home this weekend. Been doing that a lot, lately. Just staying home and listening to the rain and thinking about Jamie. We had some great times together, me and Jamie. Some really great times.

I love you too,

Posted on June 14, 2006 to Conversations, Seattle


Names have been changed to protect the innocent and knuckleheaded alike.

Posted by: Matthew on June 14, 2006 5:06 PM

heh. Geoff, you are too much.

Posted by: Kate on June 14, 2006 6:51 PM

That's so great. :)

I don't know if you've traced any of your hits back to my site, but your blog was favorably reviewed today. We have more than 50 reviewers and most of us love your site.

BTW, Jamie Moyer is married to for Notre Dame basketball coach Digger Phelps' daughter. I don't know why I know that, but I do.

He could still be a shirt-lifter, but it adds another layer to the onion.

Posted by: BlogLaughs on June 14, 2006 6:55 PM

You forgot to mention the rain.

Posted by: Karan on June 14, 2006 6:58 PM

Shirt-lifter? What?

Do straight men just tear shirts off?

Posted by: Chuck on June 14, 2006 7:25 PM

Oh, you are so twisted. I love it!

I, too, get email for The Other Steph all the time. I love responding. I really do feel like the evil twin. >:}

Posted by: steph on June 14, 2006 7:57 PM

Oh man, this had me chuckling for a good five minutes.

Posted by: Nik on June 14, 2006 8:10 PM

if the names are changed, who is "matthew baldwin"

Posted by: bob on June 14, 2006 9:13 PM

That's hilarious. If he emails you again, please post that too... please?

Posted by: Abracadab on June 14, 2006 9:14 PM

Wait, is it supposed to say Geoffrey Ambler in the third email, also, or is there a third party to this torrid love affair?

Posted by: JudgemeNt on June 14, 2006 9:22 PM

RE: Chuck

Only sometimes. Usually when alcohol or sports are(is?) involved.

Posted by: brendan on June 15, 2006 3:37 AM

BTW, Mariners lost tonight, let's go A's, let's go Oakland, etc., etc. .

Posted by: brendan on June 15, 2006 3:39 AM

I am laughing out loud.

Posted by: Newley Purnell on June 15, 2006 5:46 AM

I Googled my name once or twice. I have a name twin who lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She used to be the Vice President of HR for a trucking company, but now I think she's a VP of HR for some sort of consulting firm. I guess whether or not she's evil would depend on your opinion of trucking companies, consulting firms, or HR departments.

Posted by: C. on June 15, 2006 5:47 AM


I think I just fell in love with you a little. You, sir, are a freakin' genius.

Posted by: Frank on June 15, 2006 6:14 AM

I have an over achieving, though somehow younger, twin. He is a Nascar Racer! I am Canadian however, so although toothless men skating around and hitting eachother with sticks/bodies appeals to me, I just can't get into Nascar racing like I know some people do.

I haven't got any fan letters or sponsorship offers yet either. :(

Posted by: The Small Widdy One on June 15, 2006 6:51 AM

You are awesome! (That's the first time I have ever used that word in an email).

Posted by: Alexandra on June 15, 2006 7:02 AM

I've always been facinated by those kind of mistakes.

There isn't another 'Micah Rousey' in the world. Really.

I wonder how common it is to have a unique name.

Posted by: Micah Rousey on June 15, 2006 7:31 AM

Ok, I'm curious about something. I can't see anything in Matt's original response that would cause Geoffrey to start his gay attack. I find this particularly strange considering Geoff's message to the 'other' Matt ended with "I love you".

So was this gay attack prompted by an attempt to cover up his true relationship with 'other' Matt? Or does this guy just hate Seattle, rain and grunge that much?

Posted by: DanS on June 15, 2006 12:17 PM

I'm with DanS on this, what's with the sudden attack mode? I guess the guy was just embarrassed and over reacted. Still the last response was classic!

Posted by: PK on June 15, 2006 12:27 PM

Perhaps he was joking with the gay attack, because he thought Matthew Baldwin (his Matt, not Yeti Matt) was trying to mess with his head?

Posted by: deadlytoque on June 15, 2006 1:18 PM

^^ Ooo, that's an interesting hypothesis.

Posted by: Matthew on June 15, 2006 1:27 PM

I admire your balls. The proverbial kind; not the actual ones.

Posted by: Mom101 on June 15, 2006 2:14 PM

I'm with DanS and PK--what on earth did your very gracious and considerate response do to make him turn on you like that? Given that he ended his original message with "I love you" (and yet didn't even have the actual email address of this lovable Baldwin), it's curiouser and curiouser.

But good on ya for giving back as good as you got. As always, O Yeti Defective, you rock.

Posted by: Karen on June 15, 2006 2:40 PM

Heh - class! Made me grin like a fool. =)

Posted by: wetwebwork on June 15, 2006 3:14 PM

Haha, well played! It reminds me of the site that was talking about one of the Nigerian e-mail scams. It was the one with ghastly spelled as ghostly so the recipient pretended he was one of the ghostbusters!

Posted by: Ian Clifton on June 15, 2006 6:47 PM

I want to hear some "grudge rock."

I imagine it'd be a lot of quick bass notes...

Posted by: enfanta on June 15, 2006 6:51 PM

if the names are changed, who is "matthew baldwin"
-- Posted by: bob on June 14, 2006 09:13 PM

matthew baldwin is the other matthew baldwin, just spelled the same.

Posted by: agrippacash on June 15, 2006 11:15 PM

What an awesome post. I wonder if he found his true Matthew.

Posted by: Anonymous on June 16, 2006 4:40 PM

Oops, guess I forgot to sign my name. That was me. :P

Posted by: Kate on June 16, 2006 4:42 PM

You have raised the wiseass bar for all of us.
And I thank you.

Posted by: RedBetty on June 17, 2006 10:57 AM

Regional "Jamie Moyer" humor...priceless!

Posted by: Wook on June 18, 2006 7:38 AM

I swear I just wrote this on my blog yesterday as I was trying to think of 100 things about me and running out in the 70's:

72. I once sat in the back of a police car for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. I was 21 and she was 18. I got a ticket and paid it really fast.

73. Later I learned that someone else with my name was arrested in the same town for disrupting the peace but never showed up at court. When I got a letter threatening to arrest me, I had to clear up a very confusing misunderstanding, since I knew I had been guilty of something but not exactly that.

74. Once when I was in the hospital, the extensive mental health history of someone with my name and age got mixed up with my records. It might have been the same person from #73. This is why I believe in social security numbers.

Posted by: Sue G on June 18, 2006 9:41 AM

I hope you kept one of his flannel shirts!

Posted by: Peter on June 19, 2006 12:46 PM

What's up, funniest thing I've read today!

Oh, not much.

Posted by: Sarah B. on June 19, 2006 2:05 PM