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CHENEY: Not so tough now, are you? Answer me! Oh, you want some too, bitch?!
SECRETARY: John Poindexter is here to see you.
CHENEY: Tell him I'm out.
SECRETARY: I tried that, sir, but he can smell the brimstone.
CHENEY: Bah! Send him in.
POINDEXTER: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Doctor Doom! Howz'it--
CHENEY: SILENCE, MINION! A, I told you never to call me that again. B, you have thirty seconds, five of which you squandered on the "hey."
CHENEY: You may begin. Twenty seconds.
POINDEXTER: Well, look, just wanted to tell you about a new National Security idea I cooked up last night. Oh man, this one is a doozy.
CHENEY: Dexter, your last idea--the future's market where people would bet on upcoming terrorist attacks--wasn't exactly a barnburner. And we're still dealing with the fallout from the whole wiretapping boondoggle. So I'm afraid we're going to have to pass.
POINDEXTER: Wait! My new plan would egregiously violate the civil rights of countless Americans!!
CHENEY: Okay, I'm intrigued.
POINDEXTER: Imagine this: a mechanism that would track the activities of thousands of Internet users. Where they go, what they're doing, who they see--everything.
CHENEY: We've had that for years, knucklehead. We collect IP addresses, sent emails, site logs, the works.
POINDEXTER: Sure, of course. But I'm talking about a system that would keep tabs on Internet users when they are not online, while they are walking around in the real world.
CHENEY: Hmm. I like the way you think, Dex, but I'm afraid that idea is pretty much DOA. We got a Democratic congress now, and there's no way they'll allow us to amend the PATRIOT ACT to allow it.
POINDEXTER: Ah, but that's the best part. The program would be entirely voluntarily!
CHENEY: Why would anyone voluntarily reveal information about their everyday activities?
POINDEXTER: Oh, you know: we'll just say the whole thing is some kind of Web 2.0 Social Networking website. We'll use lots of pastel colors, cutsie icons. Call it "Trackr" or "Twitter" or something. Trust me, Doctor D.: the hipster and early adopters will eat, it, up!Posted on March 21, 2007 to Teh NetarWeb