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My aunt was going through my late grandfather's effects, and found a carbon copy of a letter he sent to US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT a few months before he died.

Grandpa's letter

Perhaps it's best that he wasn't around to endure the iPhone hype.

More on Grandpa's epistles here.

Posted on August 13, 2007 to Teh NetarWeb





Comments

grandpa simpson is your grandfather?

Posted by: shirky on August 14, 2007 12:06 PM

love this so much i can't stand it.

Posted by: lu on August 14, 2007 12:34 PM

How could you not love a man TYPING with CARBON PAPER in the 21st century?

My husband and I once tried to explain to our 9-year-old about carbon paper, mimeographs and how very much we once longed for an IBM Selectric with the correction key and the italic type ball. We might as well have stood in the middle of a rave and shouted "Willkie for President!!!"

Posted by: Carny Asada on August 14, 2007 12:59 PM

"I'll be going on-line when I can download a haircut."

Best. Quote. ever.

You made me spit out my drink.

Posted by: Jon on August 14, 2007 3:31 PM

"So the Internet's on computer, eh?"

Posted by: Jesus Christ Bandwidth on August 14, 2007 4:54 PM

Any thoughts on the meaning of "hump and dump" or "bomb manufacture"?

Posted by: Paul on August 14, 2007 5:23 PM

Gramps was smarter than all the rest of us combined. And he had to have been on The Simpsons. Or King of the Hill.

Posted by: Davey on August 14, 2007 6:01 PM

Gramps was smarter than all the rest of us combined. And he had to have been on The Simpsons. Or King of the Hill.

Posted by: Davey on August 14, 2007 6:01 PM

Gramps was smarter than all the rest of us combined. And he had to have been on The Simpsons. Or King of the Hill.

Posted by: Davey on August 14, 2007 6:02 PM

See, you wouldn't get a triple-posting with a Selectric. Damn Internets!

Posted by: Davey on August 14, 2007 6:04 PM

Pretty sure he was alluding to porn with the hump and dump, and searching for how to make a bomb with the bomb manufacture. Maybe I'm wrong, it happens on a rare occasion.

Posted by: shannon b. on August 14, 2007 6:10 PM

Pretty sure he was alluding to porn with the hump and dump, and searching for how to make a bomb with the bomb manufacture. Maybe I'm wrong, it happens on a rare occasion.

Posted by: shannon b. on August 14, 2007 6:11 PM

Sadly, I'm married to a perfectly healthy 40 year old who could have written this letter if he knew where to locate carbon paper and a Selectric.

Posted by: Anne Glamore on August 14, 2007 7:16 PM

I believe "hump and dump" means "pump and dump", ie stock price manipulation.

Posted by: Mister Man on August 14, 2007 7:52 PM

I'd love to download a haircut. Hump and dump - speechless

Posted by: jen on August 14, 2007 10:53 PM

I just had to explain to four coworkers why I just spit my drink all over my keyboard and computer screen. Awesome...

Posted by: Anonymous on August 15, 2007 6:30 AM

"Hump and dump" doesn't sound like anything that I'd want to Google.

Posted by: jeremy on August 15, 2007 8:09 AM

I agree with "Mister Man" that he must have meant "Pump & Dump" schemes - the act of spamming out some crap stock to get people to buy it and thereby inflating the value, allowing the fraudsters to profit. Sort of surprising that he was familiar with this, but I guess he was paying attention even if he wasn't participating...

Posted by: Bob on August 15, 2007 8:36 AM

No, no, no, you have it all wrong. "Hump & Dump" refers to the fine art of composting your camel's dung, a popular subject on the Internets prior to the dot.com bust.

Posted by: Rebecca on August 15, 2007 9:13 AM

I can never get bomb manufacture to run on Firefox. And my work filter always blocks hump & dump.
I did, however, sell my e-haircuts.com company to Microsoft for eleventy jillion dollars.

Posted by: john on August 15, 2007 9:54 AM

It's not necessarily that he was familiar with any of this stuff. In fact, it reads to me like he's listing a bunch of terms he keeps seeing in USN&WP that he's sick of and has no intention of learning more about.

Good on him for saving his brain cells for something more worthwhile. I wish I didn't know the difference between "hump and dump" and "pump and dump," no matter how much it amuses me to say it over and over and over. "HUMP AND DUMP AND PUMP AND DUMP!"

Posted by: straight on August 15, 2007 4:49 PM

Hump and dump? Isn't that what Ted Haggard is into? (Okay, he says he's totally, totally straight you guysss. Seriously.)

Download a haircut -- Does Bill Gates know about this technology? He could sure use a barber, or at least a mirror.

The Intertubes is just a fad. I'm waiting for carbon inter-mail and telegram blogging. It's true. I read it on Senator Ted Stevens' Neterweb post. He wrote it with a quill on papyrus.

Jesus saves!

But Satan invests!

Posted by: Hump and Dumper on August 15, 2007 6:42 PM

How fascinating that I learned something about my Dad from these comments. When I first read this letter I was also puzzled by "hump and dump". I think that Mister Man is right, and that Dad was intending "pump and dump", as stock manipulation. In early 2001 he commented to me about Enron, that "I just don't understand why this silly energy company from Texas is trading so high", and then he sold half his position, at a nice profit.

Posted by: Matthew's Aunt on August 15, 2007 7:57 PM

You should compile everything your Grandpa ever wrote (or typed) and publish it. I guarantee it would be a hit. Be sure to put your pic and bio in it, clearly stating that you are his descendant. Though that really is unnecessary for us DY readers; we already know you inherited the funny.

Posted by: Mary on August 15, 2007 8:36 PM

Okay, now I want both David Attenborough AND your granddad to be my granddad.

Posted by: Davey on August 16, 2007 4:03 AM