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Heavy Petting


These Fancy Feast commercials are essentially porn movies for lonely librarians. The idea that your cat would condescend to sit in your lap and be cuddled after receiving some cod-flavored glop is about as far-fetched as the Comcast guy having sex with a beautiful woman because he fixed her cable.

Posted on January 15, 2008 to Observations


* "Lonely librarian" demograph specifically selected to offend maximum number of dy readers.

Posted by: Matthew on January 15, 2008 10:38 AM

It worked ... schmuck.


Posted by: Alonzo Mosley (FBI) on January 15, 2008 11:38 AM

Think I prefer some cable guy porn...and who are these people that feed their cat off a regular plate with a sprig of whatever that green thing is and a fork?

*A not really offended librarian*

Posted by: lacroix on January 15, 2008 1:06 PM

Didn't you hear the news? Librarians are hip shushers. We are too busy listening to indie rock (kexp naturally) and drinking artisanal beer to stay home with a cat.

Posted by: Meghan on January 15, 2008 1:49 PM

I saw one of these ads the other day and was kind of thinking they were a little...something.
I was going to blog about them as well.
For the record, the last few librarians I've seen have been totally hot and very cool.

Posted by: Kevin on January 15, 2008 2:50 PM

Comcast men can be hot. Once a Comcast installer, named Perry, qouted Bukowski and talked excitedly about Fluxus while he installed my cable. He was burly, confident and intelligent and not to mention ... handy. If I hadn't had a boyfriend at the time I may have entertained the idea.


Posted by: Leslie on January 15, 2008 3:43 PM

Maybe Matthew meant "school marms" instead of librarians. Haven't seen a school marm in years.

And since when do cats give a damn whether or not their salmon is florentine?

Posted by: Davey on January 15, 2008 4:49 PM

"...because he fixed her cable"

Dude whatever, how about because he can get her all those premium porn channels and Major League Baseball to boot?

forever your enemy,

the librarian

Posted by: jessamyn on January 15, 2008 4:51 PM

...In the previous act, it was suggested that THE CAT KIDNAPPED HERSELF.

Posted by: ben on January 15, 2008 5:12 PM

I'm here to fix tha Kabel. Now I for to have the sex with Bunny Lebowski. Oh good, her roommate for to come out shower. Now we make rub-rub on the nipples, ja!

Posted by: The Nihilist on January 15, 2008 8:26 PM

I can't speak for cats in general, but all 5 of mine climb on my lap to cuddle on a regular basis.

Posted by: Leroy on January 16, 2008 7:02 AM

I'm still offended that you have a problem with those of us who are gasiously challenged and who choose to play racqetball.

Now the librarians? Has your hate no bounds?

Who is next? Blind nuns in wheelchairs?

Please stop picking on the defenseless.

Posted by: Lance Flatchu on January 16, 2008 7:29 AM

Lance, I read that incorrectly as "Please stop licking on the defenseless."

That said, that cat looks like Jabba the Hutt.

Posted by: The Scarlet Pervygirl on January 16, 2008 7:45 AM


Posted by: Jabba the Hutt on January 16, 2008 9:39 AM

You know, I am skeptical of this 'restaurant inspired entrees' crap. Given a choice, my cat would not eat anything with a sprig of parsley on the side. Ever.

Let me know when they start selling "Choice cuts of mouse ass and Pringles with a soupcon of Velveeta and a lovely pizza crust glaze (with a tasteful tinsel garnish)" inspired entrees. My cat would be all over that.

I guess they would have to call that "Not So Fancy Feast."

Posted by: akeeyu on January 16, 2008 10:31 AM

The first time I ever saw Letterman, he was on "Night of a 1000 Stars" or something, doing a little stand-up routine in which he remarked upon dog food commercials in which the advertisers extol the gourmet ingredients and attention to quality they expend on the stuff. He then paused and said, "I don't know about you...but my dog Bob drinks out of the TOILET."

On another note, as a librarian, I have to say to your asterisked comment: mission accomplished.

Posted by: Karen on January 16, 2008 11:54 AM

Are you kidding? After eating some nasty smelling fish stuff, my face is the first place my cat wants to breath.

Your demographic, the hot librarian (100.5 degrees and counting. Ug).

Posted by: Dirty Librarian on January 16, 2008 2:13 PM

My boyfriend works for Comcast and you would really be surprised at how many women will actually hit on the cable guy.

Posted by: girlfriend on January 16, 2008 4:42 PM

Well put, sir. Well put...

Posted by: Caveman on January 17, 2008 4:56 AM

I'm just confused. Are orangutans that likely to have cats? Or be lonely?

Posted by: Mike on January 18, 2008 4:32 PM

Let me know when they start selling "Choice cuts of mouse ass and Pringles with a soupcon of Velveeta and a lovely pizza crust glaze (with a tasteful tinsel garnish)" inspired entrees. My cat would be all over that.

Oh, yes, the tinsel! And serve it on a bed of green plastic Easter-basket grass--mine loves that!

Of course, he loves the "intestinal floss" effect it has...Can we do a soft porn on that aspect sometime?

Posted by: Dorothy on January 18, 2008 9:22 PM

I was just watching this commercial earlier today and thinking, "my gosh, it's almost enough for me to forget how much a cat with that much hair must SMELL." and then here you are, ahead of me, as usual...

Posted by: sarah on January 26, 2008 7:02 PM