The second round of the Cliche Rotation Project is complete. (For details on the CRP, see http://www.defectiveyeti.com/crp.)
A big thanks to everyone who contributed. Here are some of the best I received.
| Old Cliche | Replacement | Contributor | Note |
|---|---|---|---|
| Seeing the world through rose colored glasses | Reporting from the Green Zone | Brett | |
| Sweep it under the rug | Clear the cache | Ryan Murphy | |
| Timing is everything | Timing is the difference between salad and garbage | Anonymous | |
| Not the sharpest crayon in the box | Not the brightest LED in the house | mantaworks | Fully y3k-compliant. |
| Sometimes, you just have to roll with the punches. | Sometimes you just have to park your car beneath a bird | Dave | |
| Rain on your parade. | Stick a boot on your wheel. | JMT | |
| The grass is always greener on the other side of the street | The line is always shorter at the Starbucks up the street | Penni Prominski | |
| It's not rocket science | It's not Advanced Squad Leader | zosa | This is in reference to the infamously complex wargame ASL. Typical rule: 2.2401 GUN DUELS: Vs a non-concealed, non-Aerial DEFENDER's declared Defensive First Fire attack on it, a vehicle may attempt to Bounding First Fire (D3.3) its MA (/other-FP, including Passenger FP/SW) at that DEFENDER first, provided the vehicle need not change CA, is not conducting OVR (D7.1), its total Gun Duel DRM (i.e., its total Firer-Based [5.] and Acquisition [6.5] TH DRM for its potential shot) is < that of the DEFENDER, and the DEFENDER's attack is not Reaction Fire (D7.2). Neither the +1 DRM for a Gyrostabilizer nor the doubling of the lower dr for other ordnance in TH Case C4 (5.35) is included in the Gun Duel DRM calculation. The order of fire for non-ordnance/SW is determined as if it were ordnance [EXC: TH Case A can apply only if this unit/weapon is mounted-on/aboard a vehicle that is changing CA; all such non-turret-mounted fire is considered NT for purposes of TH Case C, and; A.5 applies to any type of FG]. If the ATTACKER's and DEFENDER's total Gun Duel DRM are equal, the lower Final TH (or non-ordnance IFT) DR fires first - and voids the opponent's return shot by eliminating, breaking, stunning, or shocking it. If those two Final DR are equal, both shots are resolved simultaneously. Any CA change the DEFENDER requires in order to shoot (5.11) is made before the ATTACKER's shot if the DEFENDER's total Gun Duel DRM <= the ATTACKER's; otherwise its CA changes (if still able to) after the ATTACKER's shot. After the initial Gun Duel had been fully resolved, and if otherwise able and allowed to, that DEFENDER may announce another attack vs that ATTACKER who in turn may declare another Gun Duel; this time the printed ROF of one firing weapon on each side may be included as a -DRM in that side's Gun Duel DRM calculation. Only the ATTACKER may declare a Gun Duel [EXC: not if the DEFENDER has done so per 5.33]. |
| Hit me with your best shot | Shock & awe me | aaron c | |
| Dumb as a post | Dumber than shoes | Megan Coughlin | |
| A watched pot never boils | A watched microwave never pings | Suezboo | |
| All the tea in China | All the porn on the internet | Danny D and the Defects | |
| Busier than a one-armed paperhanger | Busier than a sailor on shore leave | RustyBadger | self-explanatory, I think! |
| A stitch in time saves nine. | Enable Autosave! | Carmen | |
| No shit, sherlock. | Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle? | Anonymous | |
| Kill two birds with one stone | Steal two elections with one candidate | Pete Stine | oh, you KNOW who I mean. |
| Gone without a trace | Gone 404. | Ryan | |
| Stuck out like a sore thumb | Stood out like a miniskirt in a monastery | Lung the Younger | |
| Like a knife through butter | Like a chainsaw through cheesecake | Lung the Younger | |
| keep your eye on the ball | Track it like NORAD | Michael | |
| Nice guys finish last | James Dean died young | Ben Ide | |
| Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. | Always the fluffer, never the porn star. | Richard | From my wife while trying to fluff a houseplant back into shape after a disastrous repotting. |
| Forgive and forget | Flag and move on | Cior | |
| Born with a silver spoon in his mouth | Born with a venture capitalist in the family | Cior | |
| As slow as molasses. | Like Baldwin posting a Cliche Rotation Project update. | Bill Braine | Molasses flows very slowly because of its inordinately high viscosity. The very slow pace of this flow is reminiscent of the pace at which Matthew Baldwin, author of the popular blog "Defective Yeti" posts updates to his Cliche Rotation Project series of entries. Thus replacing the old standard simile "as slow as molasses" (used to describe the pace of change in a very slow process or the pace of physical movement of a particularly slow object or individual) with "like Baldwin posting a Cliche Rotation Project update" presents the listener/reader with a cognitively appropriate and mildly amusing (because of the tiny effort/reward of decoding the dynamic) new simile, perfect for use as (nerdy) parties. |
Oh jeeze, I totally forgot I initiated s new round of the Cliche Rotation Project a few weeks ago. I'll post entries next Monday. In the meantime, you can continue to send in your submissions here.
7/16: The next round of the Cliche Rotation Project is going on now. Submit your entry here.
Rosecrans and I had a weird moment of Baldwinicity last month, as we were both struck by essentially the same idea at the time. I called on my readers to participate in The Cliche Rotation Project, a drive to replace old and worn out sayings with new ones of roughly equivalent meaning. A few days later, Rosecrans unveiled the Contest for Total Idioms, in which readers of The Morning News were asked to submit newly minted proverbs and adages.
Well, the winners of the Contest for Total Idioms were announced today. So it seems only fitting that I published some submissions in the CRP as well.
I got lots and lots of entries, but have narrowed this batch down to 30. I think this might become a reoccurring feature, though, so you'll see some of the rest later. And you shouldn't hesitate to send new ones to matthew@defectiveyeti.com.
So: out with the old and in with the new! Or, as I like to say, let's shed skin and slither in style.
| Old Cliche | Replacement | Contributor | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Always a bridesmaid, never the bride | I'm not the hero of this story. | Nathan Werth | "This one is a bastardization from my gaming geek days, when my friends and I would joke that 'I am so not the PC here.'" |
| Back to square one | Back to World 1-1 | Martin Mushrush | |
| The bee's knees; the cat's pajamas | The bee's pajamas | Robin Lane | "My 14-year-old son, Calvin, shares your interest in giving new life to old cliches. A few months ago, he somehow came across these two old versions and decided to revamp. The droll tone is crucial: 'Well, that's just the bee's pajamas, Mom.'" |
| The blind leading the blind | Enrolled in the Paris and Nicole Academy | ||
| The coast is clear | The porn is deleted | John Taylor | |
| Come hell or high water | Even if they send in Chinese tanks | Rob Cockerham | |
| Do the right thing | Get on the nut foot | Dave Yeagar | "There's a story here. Basically a few of us took my buddy out for his birthday and he got somewhat inebriated. He began to talk nonstop about these roasted almonds that this guy sold out of a truck near his place of employment. He literally went on about these nuts for almost 30 minutes. Finally one of us tried to stop the madness by suggesting he talk about something else, but he adamantly slurred: 'No.... you gotta... you gotta get on the nut... foot.'" |
| Don't be a party-pooper | Don't squeeze out your grumpies in public | beajerry | |
| Don't take any wooden nickels | Don't mistake eggs for oysters | Eve Tolpa | |
| Dumb as a box of rocks. | Don't have the good sense that God gave cabbage | Cindy Molitor | "This isn't a new one. My mother used to say it to me all the time when I was growing up. However, it's one that I've never heard anyone else use." |
| He's yesterday's news | He's a stamp-licker | David LaMotte | |
| If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. | If you won't shake your bootie, get off the dance floor | Pam Coughlan | |
| It's a win-win situation. | Everyone gets ice cream! | Alkelda the Gleeful | |
| Keep your eyes peeled | Put your deadlights on high beams | Scott Bush | I don't know if "deadlights" is a typo, but I like it -- MB |
| Knuckle sandwich | Boot souffle | Neal | |
| Let's make like a tree and leave | Let's shoot this pig into space. | Clint Bishop | |
| Looking for a needle in a haystack | Trying to find a clock in a casino | Angus Stocking | |
| Looks a gift horse in the mouth | Wants birthday cake on Christmas. | Mud | |
| More fun than a barrel of monkeys | More fun than 20 yards of bubble wrap | Diesel | |
| Nice guys finish last | No one remembers Ivan the Wonderful | Lung the Younger | |
| Playing second fiddle | Jeeves in a Google world | Mud | |
| The pot calling the kettle black | The pot calling the pipe "drug paraphernalia." | Jonathan Hoferle | |
| Pushing up daisies | Tanning the soles of his feet | Lung the Younger | |
| Putting the cart before the horse | Putting the "umption" before the ass | Julie | |
| Reinvent the wheel | Start a whole new batch of sourdough | Bill Braine | |
| Silence is golden | Quiet is currency | Susanna | |
| Sleep with the fishes | Flirt with the dirt | Southpaw Jones | |
| Still waters run deep | Quiet squirrels have more nuts | No Name Slob | |
| The squeaky wheel gets the grease | The squeaky dolphin gets the fish | Eric | |
| Two-faced | Verbally bi | Chag | |
| We'll cross that bridge when we come to it | We'll chop that tomato when the salsa runs out | Suzanna | |
| You made your bed, now sleep in it | You poop it, you scoop it | Reuben |
Update: Theresa writes:
Some time ago, my brother-in-law decided to teach my daughter, N., the phrase, "That dog don't hunt," to be used after any sentence that had a lie or tall tale included in it. N. used it quite often at first and even would ask me to make up some untrue statement just so she could respond with, "That dog don't hunt!". Having a three year old armed with this phrase and knowing when to use it was a great ice breaker and/or party trick. The phrase eventually wore out of it newness and was not used. Recently, N. and I were visiting a friend, and when someone made a random, nonsensical comment, N. responded with, "That spoon don't scoop!" My jaw dropped and I had to ask her, "Where did you learn that?" and she responded, "I made it up!" Either she is pretty darn smart or a pretty darn good liar...That dog don't hunt, N.!Yeah, along with the kid activities Heather previous classified here as "cute the first time, obnoxious the 65,000,000,000th," add "using a catchphrase." I taught The Squirrelly to use the phrase "down the hatch!" when eating. Hilarity ensued--until he started bellowing it before every forkful of Veggie Dog during every single meal. That's a cliche in dire need of rotation.
The following post was inspired by the fourteenth suggestion in No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, which was randomly selected by Jon Deal of Ransom-Note-Typography. Jon posted a video today in honor of the occasion, so you should definitely check it out.
Despite crotchety old men like me carping about acronyms like "LOL" and "IMHO," we've always had literary shortcuts that allow us to get our point across economically. They are called "cliches," and they are an essential element of our language. Just think how many words you'd have to write or say to communicate the same idea that "caught with his pants down" expresses so succinctly.
Of course, the problem with cliches is that they are just so darned ... you know. Cliche.
That's why I am initiating the Cliche Rotation Project, to replace our current set of cliches with new ones of equivalent meaning. For example:
| Old & Busted | New Hotness |
|---|---|
| Made a mountain out of a molehill | Saw a duck and shouted "dragon!" |
| Quiet as a church mouse | Silent as a shadow's whisper |
| Ready and willing | On it like a bonnet |
| Wore his heart on his sleeve | Flew his feelings from a flagpole |
Come, join me in the CRP. If drop me an email at matthew@defectiveyeti.com with the following information:
- The old cliche
- Your replacement cliche
- Your name
- URL of your blog, or where ever you'd like me to link to when I publish these
If you needs some cliches to get started, go here, browse here, or pick one off this list.
