<< FBI: Further Rob Schneider Films May Be Imminent | Taken In >>
Friday Afternoon Scratchpad

Thing That I am Sure Exists Even Before I Conduct a Google Search To Try and Find It

Freeway Karaoke Machine: A microphone / headphones / headset device that you can plug into your car radio and sing into while you drive. It strips the vocal track out of songs and puts your own voice in it's place.

Google says ...?


Still searching ...


Holy shit, that's a million dollar idea! I thought of it first!


Advert Calendar.

Finally, the exciting and challenging sport of curling has been faithfully ported to the PC home computer!

A brief history of Hoax Photographs.


The Queen announced yesterday that I am getting "old man eyebrows." Oh great -- more hallmarks of my own mortality, that's what I need. Like I wasn't already freaked out about the fact that I now know the words to each and every song played over my local grocery store's "Shopping Music Network".

Actually, I can kinda shrug this one off. If you ask me, this sounds like one of those things that companies make up and then insist you have and then try and sell you a cure for, like halitosis and panty lines and cholera.

Guy: What's wrong, Other Guy?

Other Guy: I didn't get that promotion -- again! And my wife is having an affair with you.

Guy: It must be your O.M.E.

Other Guy: My what?

Guy: Your Old Man Eyebrows, Chet. Why aren't you using The Brow Plow?

Cthulhu T'yota!!

Dear Toyota,

Please stop making cars in colors that don't exist. They are driving (ha!) me crazy. I am specifically referring to that new ECHO in the shade of goldish silvery blueish brownish yellow. I'm pretty sure that color isn't even on the spectrum. It's like somewhere between ultraviolet and Channel 7. It's like some intelligent color from an H. P. Lovecraft story that slowly takes over your mind until your main hobbies become chanting and being eldritch. I wouldn't mind so much, but trying to figure out why someone would buy a car in this alleged "color" makes my head hurt. Haven't they noticed that their vehicle is covered in paint from Dimension G? It like those days in college when you would get really stoned and start wondering how you could know for sure that what you saw as "red" is also what everyone else saw as "red". I am like that all the time now.

Three Cliches That Never Really Caught On

  • Making mountains out of mashed potatoes.
  • I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich.
  • Cutting off Michael Jackson's nose to spite his face.

Posted on December 06, 2002 to Scratchpad