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There Can Be Only One

Apparently they are making an Alien vs. Predator movie, perhaps because of the success of last year's Jason vs. Freddy. That's cool, I guess, but there are so many other matchups I'd rather see.

In fact, I think they should just go whole hog, pair up all the movie villians March Madness style, and settle the issue once and for all.

Click for larger, office-pool sized sheet.

Go Anne Wilkes -- I got five bucks on ya!

Update: Good gravy, how did I forget the Deliverance hillbillies?! Added them at arto's suggestion.

Also: Jason went ahead and filled out the sheet; Mr. Grooism wrote something similar to this in January.

Posted on August 11, 2004 to Favorite Posts, Movies


Not so keen on your brackets - some of the middle-seed matchups are hardly fair fights - but I'm still LMAO.

Posted by: ben on August 11, 2004 3:52 PM

Oh man. And I was just thinkin' about seeing Freddy vs. Jason and now why bother? The result is all there in the bracket. Guess I'll just move to the next one on my list and see the first LOTR instead.

Posted by: Mr. Slow on August 11, 2004 4:33 PM

I hate that I'm bringing these up, but I think you have to consider inviting the following baddies:

- that nasty/sexy Borg chick
- Gina Gershon in Showgirls
- Iceman from Top Gun
- Kevin Costner in Robin Hood

See, I'm scared already.

Posted by: Ian on August 11, 2004 4:44 PM

Let's not forget

-Evil Supreme Being from Time Bandits
-ant-lion monsters from Tremors

Posted by: lordbanjo on August 11, 2004 5:55 PM

Actually, Jaws already fought a zombie -- which isn't a Nazi, but it's a pretty good matchup. Maybe Jaws has even fought some Nazi zombies, now that I think of it.

Posted by: Chris @ Stomp Tokyo on August 11, 2004 6:39 PM

Is it hard for you to sleep at night knowing you're all brilliant and shit?

Posted by: brittney on August 11, 2004 6:43 PM

Maybe you should make another baby. You're only getting funnier. How 'bout Kaiser Soze vs. the Gimp?

Posted by: Dave on August 11, 2004 8:44 PM

(Geek Mode On) Actually, Alien vs Predator was inspired by an Alien vs Predator Comic book series and its many sequels, first appearing in the late 1980's. There was immediate talk of a movie, and in Predator 2 they tease you with an Alien skeleton amongst the Predators' trophies. The project has been on-again-off-again for years, and is only now finally being made. (Geek Mode Off...I said Geek Mode Off!!! Damn, stuck again)

Anyway, brilliant matchups!!!

Posted by: mr. grooism on August 11, 2004 9:22 PM

(Geek Mode On) Actually, Alien vs Predator was inspired by an Alien vs Predator Comic book series and its many sequels, first appearing in the late 1980's. There was immediate talk of a movie, and in Predator 2 they tease you with an Alien skeleton amongst the Predators' trophies. The project has been on-again-off-again for years, and is only now finally being made. (Geek Mode Off...I said Geek Mode Off!!! Damn, stuck again)

Anyway, brilliant matchups!!!

Posted by: mr. grooism on August 11, 2004 9:39 PM

How about:

Dr Evil and Mini-me vs. Master-Blaster?

The rednecks from "Easy Rider" vs. the rednecks from "Deliverance"?

Roger Waters' fame-related psychosis vs. Charles Foster Kane's wealth-related alienation?

Posted by: arto on August 11, 2004 11:17 PM

I'm putting my bets on Verbal Kint.

Posted by: vlad on August 12, 2004 12:53 AM

Good to see old MCP still getting some play...

Posted by: Jack on August 12, 2004 7:15 AM

I don't know, I'm thinknig the Terminator can't lose. I mean, he was supposed to be wiped from existence after the second movie but then they made a third one anyway. The third one had the same end result, yet now he's the Governator of California. Now he's should be foiled, but he's fighting for the right for non-natives to run for president. It seems the machine is unstoppable.

Posted by: Spiff on August 12, 2004 7:19 AM

As much as I'd like to see Verbal Kint win it all, super powers are the deciding factor. Sauron faces Darth Vader (Vader narrowly defeats Agent Smith) in the final. And the Big Eye will win it all, unless Vader found the Ring.

Posted by: Jerjo on August 12, 2004 7:19 AM

Are you going to take votes on who will win each match? You should, then we can decide who the evilest and meanest movie villain is. I got my eye on that Sauron vs. Ferris Bueller Principal fight, could be a crucial matchup.

Posted by: Mike on August 12, 2004 7:34 AM

Roy Baty v. Eddie Haskell

Posted by: Jim on August 12, 2004 7:47 AM

Roy Baty v. Eddie Haskell

Posted by: Jim on August 12, 2004 7:47 AM

What?! Jack Nicholson's "The Joker" didn't make the Tourneyment this year?! Oh man, I am totally buggin....

I would PAY to see Darth vs. Agent Smith, and I'm not talking about old Darth from the original Star Wars but I mean Darth in his prime...

And of course, Hugo Weaving would have another phrase that follows him around in all his roles after this:

"Jedi's are the disease, we are the cure... Mr. Skywalker..."

Posted by: John F on August 12, 2004 7:58 AM

Eh, I stand corrected -- the Joker did make the list!

Posted by: Anonymous on August 12, 2004 8:00 AM

My money's on Verbal Kint :)

They'd never see it coming :)


Posted by: Doccus on August 12, 2004 8:27 AM

I would pay good money to see Hugo Weaving fight an iceberg, chewing on the scenery the whole time.

Also, it's a good thing you didn't pair up Draco Malfoy with Ferris Bueller's principal. I think we all know why. Awkward much?

Posted by: Shawn on August 12, 2004 8:55 AM

Tag Team Wicked Witch of the West and East versus the Witches of Eastwick.

Posted by: Beerzie Yoink on August 12, 2004 9:13 AM

If you're going to include the guys from "Deliverance," then how about some of the baddies from the various "Mad Max" movies (Tina Turner not included)?
And if you want to attract both dorks and girls, those (geek-attracting) sandworms from "Dune" will remind the ladies that Sting was in the movie (wearing some sort of thong during a knife fight, IIRC). And seeing a sandworm vs. the bottom-less-Nazi-pit Jaws would be cool.
Which reminds me: didn't Jaws, a.k.a. Bruce, eat Michael Caine in "Jaws 3-D" (with Dennis Quaid, Lou Gosset, Jr., *and* Lea Thompson!)? Sorry, no, that was in the next one, "Jaws: The Revenge." But anything that can eat Michael Caine should have a good chance of (b)eating the Terminator.

Posted by: Will E. on August 12, 2004 9:17 AM

Magneto could take the terminator. How could you leave magneto out of this?

Posted by: kello on August 12, 2004 9:41 AM

If the crazy chick from Fatal Attraction and Cruella de Vil win their first round matches, doesn't that mean Glenn Close will be fighting herself in round two? That's gonna require a lot of badly implemented CGI.

Posted by: Konstanz Bibo on August 12, 2004 9:44 AM

i believe your missing two very important Badies, and speaking for the great modern nerds of this generation, why not let Sauron and Lord Voldemort beat the snot out of eachother?

Posted by: sunnie on August 12, 2004 10:09 AM

oh wait, you do have Sauron...my bad. but hell, throw Voldy in there for good measure.

Posted by: sunnie on August 12, 2004 10:14 AM

Well, the match up that my house is very excited about is the Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash where Bruce Campbell will kick all kinds of ass.

Posted by: mrscrumley on August 12, 2004 10:35 AM

Unless some of these baddies have a few unlicensed nuclear accelerators around, Stay Puft is going all the way. It will take nothing less than total protonic reversal.

Posted by: wolf on August 12, 2004 10:52 AM

How could nobody have suggested the Grinch yet?

Posted by: Darren James Harkness on August 12, 2004 11:18 AM

You realize, of course, that if we have se7en psycho versus verbal kint, we will get to watch Kevin Spacey battle himself.

how friggin awesome would that be?

Posted by: meghann on August 12, 2004 11:21 AM

Boris and Natasha vs. Dr. Octopus

and of course...

Lex Luthor vs. The Headless Horseman

nuff said,

"Moose and Squirrel** must die!! whahahah"

** Not to be confused with "The Squirrelly" (tm)


Posted by: 8ipHf on August 12, 2004 1:10 PM

very good. now do the same thing using all the people from your previous post, and i'll be *really* impressed. there's a bloodbath i'd pay good money to see.

Posted by: kimberley on August 12, 2004 2:23 PM

Shouldn't there be a spoiler alert? Apparently Jason beat Freddie? Now I won't go see the movie.

Posted by: ek on August 12, 2004 3:15 PM

Doc Ock vs. Jabba the Hut. Messy. Would look like a weedeater nailing a banana slug.

Posted by: Dave on August 12, 2004 6:17 PM

you forgot Motel the Tailor vs Lazar Wolf the Butcher!!!

Posted by: Antonios on August 12, 2004 7:04 PM

"Shouldn't there be a spoiler alert? Apparently Jason beat Freddie? Now I won't go see the movie."

Spoiler? Naaaah, the Jason fans say Jason wins, but the Freddie Fans have their day too, WINK WINK! See it anyway. It's not HORROR, it's fun camp along the lines of ARMY OF DARKNESS, which is why the rumors of FREDDIE VS JASON VS ASH are so appealing. Last I heard Bruce Campbell wasn't willing, though. Too bad.

(MATT! WHOA! Thanks for the shout, my hits have multiplied by a factor of ten! I wasn't gonna say anything just because I am NOT a Hits Whore, but damn that was some reaction! Now THAT is what it means to be THE YETI!!!)

Posted by: mr. grooism on August 12, 2004 10:40 PM

I believe it's "Nurse Ratchet", not Ratched, but i may be mistaken.

BTW, I don't think the Freedie v. Jason had as much to do with the AVP movie as much as the two successful avp video games.

Of course, the grandaddy of all supermatchups has already occurred once - Godzilla v. King Kong. I think they should be added to the roster.

Posted by: hippie on August 13, 2004 9:33 AM

It's Nurse Mildred Ratched, according to IMDB.

Posted by: Matthew Makous on August 13, 2004 11:03 AM

How did Leatherface not make this list?

Posted by: Matt on August 13, 2004 12:20 PM

What about the man, the legend, Lo-Pan?

Posted by: Casey on August 13, 2004 4:35 PM

I would have put jaws from moonraker (james bond) vs Jaws ( the shark)

just my $.02 or $79.65CDN

Posted by: Chris on August 13, 2004 6:30 PM

Macaulay Culkin as "The Good Son" vs. Harry and Marv from Home Alone.

I really want to see Kevin get his comeuppance.

Posted by: Paul on August 13, 2004 9:15 PM

Funniest thing I've seen on the net in sometime...My money's on DELIVERANCE v. FATAL ATTRACTION final...They're modern man's two biggest fears: Psycho girlfriends and homosexual rapists!

Posted by: girard31 on August 14, 2004 7:54 AM

I have to agree with some other people's comments: Voldemort should definitely be added to the list, as well as Godzilla vs. King Kong.

As a side note, I'd really like to see a goa'uld from Stargate on the list, but since I'm probably one of the few who even knows what that is, I'm sure it's a pipe dream. :(

Posted by: Erin on August 14, 2004 9:20 AM

We had a ball with this one last night inbetween shots of tequila and budweiser. Highlights included:

The House from The Shining vs. The Alien Queen (red rum, red rum...)

The House from the Amityville Horror vs. The Ball from Phantasm

The Special Effects of LOTR vs. The Special Effects of The Matrix

Thanks for the laughs...

Posted by: jethro on August 14, 2004 3:25 PM

We filled out the brackets before going to see AVP...I think terminator took it. My friends and I are working on a Cinematic Goodguy match-up. Jesus from "the Passion" has a good fan base...

Posted by: Marianna on August 14, 2004 4:15 PM

Marianna said:
"We filled out the brackets before going to see AVP..."

My plan as well. I filled out the brackets and printed out some blanks to bring to the theater tomorrow night. I ended up with THE JOKER going all the way, much to my own surprise. I started with the obvious ease with which MR. J takes out ARKHAM EMPLOYEES, therefore NURSE RATCHED being his toughest opponent would be fun, but eventually she gets done in.

JAWS took out THE NAZIS even before I gave thought to the JOKER matchup, and the edge had to go to JOKERMAN just because I keeled over laughing at the image of an immense Great White Shark's rictus grin after a mega-dose of JOKER Venom!!!

Without going through all of my brackets, I considered VADER vs. JOKER, and figured VADER would be trying to bring THE JOKER over to the Dark Side and would realize too late that THE JOKER IS the Dark Side. (Side note; that makes me wonder about VADER vs DARKSEID!!!)

JOKER vs HAL is a nobrainer - or is that no-processor? HAL crashes due to logic meltdown!!!

That brings us to JOKER vs TERMINATOR, and perhaps in hindsight the TERMINATOR should really have fragged THE CLOWN PRINCE OF CRIME, but I figured THE JOKER would have gotten ragged pretty badly but pulled it out on death's door! He'd be waaaay too easy for a thinking machine like THE TERMINATOR to underestimate, since his actions are illogical and unfathomable by even the keenest of minds. Either that or he'd just convince THE TERMINATORr to go after BATMAN, and BATS would take him down for him!!!

Posted by: mr. grooism on August 14, 2004 8:48 PM

I was going to suggest Jessica Fletcher vs. Sauron....But I figured that would kind of be like Mordor-She-Wrote.

Posted by: Dave on August 14, 2004 9:50 PM

My husband and I are actually arguing about this and want to know what number constitutes a "shitload" of Nazis? 50? 100? 500+?

Posted by: Cheryl on August 15, 2004 6:26 PM

The Iceberg clearly beats all. The End

Posted by: Digger on August 15, 2004 7:17 PM

Where's Godzilla? Frankenstein? The mummy? What about the classics?

The sad fact is: The good guy always wins, does he not? The most unexceptional good guy--James Bond, Keanu Reeves, Captain Kirk, Ripley somehow, someway, kicks all their asses. At least until the sequel. But maybe that's round 2.

Posted by: Miel on August 15, 2004 11:21 PM

Ohhh.... Khan (Recardo Montalban) from the Wrath of Khan. He's a way cool(and very muscular for an old guy) bad guy.

Posted by: Cath on August 16, 2004 6:12 AM

And let's not forget:

Kermit, The Frog,


ET, The, erm, Extra-Terrestrial.

These skinny little bastards scared the bejeesus out of me when I was a kid.

Posted by: Case on August 16, 2004 8:08 AM

Where's Mr. Shadow (AKA evil itself) from the 5th Element? Lots of cool villains there... Mr. Zorg should be there too...

Posted by: Gabriel on August 16, 2004 9:30 AM

Kottke did the same thing today, only not quite.

Posted by: Maggi on August 16, 2004 11:15 AM

Dave - "Mordor She Wrote"? Funny. :-)

Posted by: Princess Jami on August 16, 2004 11:21 AM

"There can be only one!"

Wait a sec. How can you throw down a quote from Highlander, and not include the Kurgan?

Posted by: collin on August 16, 2004 12:14 PM

If only there was an imvdb.

Posted by: rob cockerham on August 16, 2004 12:43 PM

Well, we ought to make this a full Dancecard like the NCAA Tournament -- 64 villians to start and divided into groups....

Groupings would be by Movie genre I guess -- Sci Fi, Horror, Thriller, etc... It'd give mroe fair pairings but -- of course -- there would only be one in the end....

I still would PAY to see Darth Vader vs. Agent Smith...

"Goodbye, Mr. Skywalker..."
"I find your lack of faith disturbing. I am Darth Vader...."

Posted by: John F on August 16, 2004 3:13 PM

How can we forget Al Pacino as the devil. Seeing him face of with the psycho from Se7en would be killer. Walken from the prophecy could come in and get old testament on both their asses.

Posted by: Matt on August 17, 2004 2:06 AM

I can't believe THE Chris @ Stomp Tokyo would compare the toothless shark in Zombie to Jaws! Shame on him.

Posted by: goatdog on August 17, 2004 3:08 PM

James Brown vs Elvis Presley?
Santa vs The Easter Bunny?
Hedi vs Pippi Longstockings?
Old Yeller vs Lassie!

Posted by: cm evans on August 20, 2004 10:57 AM

How could you not have Ash in there?

I call foul.

Posted by: Cocles on August 22, 2004 12:51 AM