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Alien Nation

The xenomorph--antagonist of the Alien film series--has a complex lifecycle. After hatching from an egg, the "facehugger" attaches itself to a host organism and implants an embryo deep within its body. Having done so, it seemingly dies. In reality though, the creature lives on, gestating, advancing toward its next stage. Sometime later the parasite violently emerges from its carrier, then rapidly grows to enormous--and lethal--size, a near-perfect killing machine.

This reminds me of nothing so much as Dick Cheney.

He found a willing host organism easily enough. In 1999, Cheney headed up Bush's "Vice-Presidential Search Committee", only to later announce that the most qualified man for the job was himself. After Bush was elected, Cheney seemingly disappeared, all the while gestating deep within the body politic. Now, his metamorphosis complete, he appears to be rupturing forth ... and if the democracy that incubated him is killed in the process, so be it.

Oh, well. In January 2009 it will be fun to watch Hillary strap herself into a power-loader, march into the White House, and blow Cheney out an airlock.

Posted on June 25, 2007


Ugh... Hillary is hardly worthy of being Ripley in this metaphor.

Posted by: rikki on June 25, 2007 10:46 PM

Can Barak be Bishop?

Posted by: Kevin on June 26, 2007 12:33 AM

Fortunately, as with the Alien films, the successive Cheney vice-presidencies become less and less popular as the script writers run out of novel ways to make the public suspend their disbelief.

Posted by: Lung the Younger on June 26, 2007 1:06 AM

Nuke him from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Khate on June 26, 2007 6:33 AM

"..Hillary strap herself into a power-loader, march into the White House, and blow Cheney out an airlock."

Hillary? blowing? Cheney? Whitehouse?! Now THAT would be sweet revenge. Hell hath no fury and all that.

Posted by: Lung the Younger on June 26, 2007 7:03 AM

Can Barak be Bishop?

No, Bishop represents the divided body politic.

Posted by: OhioBrian on June 26, 2007 8:36 AM

NPR's Daniel Schorr had a great analysis of the Cheney need for absolute secrecy last night on All Things Considered:


Just to beat this metaphor into a faceless pulp, Cheney operates not unlike the xenomorph; until she (he) is ready to kill (subvert the Constitution), she (he) hides in the air ducts and caves (the undisclosed location), waiting patiently for prey (voters, Congress, political appointees) to wander by.

Posted by: Rebecca on June 26, 2007 9:20 AM

As amusing as that is, I've worked with Ripley. I've been friends with Ripley. I've assisted Ripley's clone with blowing facehuggers to hell. And Hilary is no Ripley.

Posted by: Greg on June 26, 2007 10:06 AM

Lung, your comment has me laughing so hard that I fear my cubemates are concerned for my sanity.

Posted by: evier on June 26, 2007 11:55 AM

Your analogy fails at "facehugger". Cheney doesn't hug anything. "Face-shooter", maybe.

Posted by: tworabbitshow on June 26, 2007 11:57 AM

If you call, Clamping your pointy, clawlike apendages onto someone's head "Hugging"....

I think the analogy is great.

Posted by: Alcari on June 26, 2007 1:49 PM

Does this mean that Rummy's the soldier crying "Game over, man! Game over!"?

Posted by: Lost Poke on June 26, 2007 2:43 PM

Look, you have *no right* to know who was advising then-Chairman Cheney on the Vice-Presidential Search Committee-- these meetings were for Advising the President-Elect and must be done in SECRET in order that persons on the committee can be honest with their opinions without fear of JUST THIS SORT OF REPRISAL.

Anyway, if they keep up their disclosure-avoidance tactics at this rate, they won't have Cabinet meetings, they'll have Cabinet AA Meetings. "Hello, I'm Condi, and I'm an Alcoholic. Our current situation with respect to the Iranian nuclear power is..." When that doesn't work, everyone will bring a lawyer, doctor, priest, or spouse, so they can claim one of those respective privileges.

Of course, the feeling that secrecy is needed even for the little stuff goes back further even than the Clintonian Special Prosecutor Days, but to the early days of Iran-Contra, where it was learned that a cabinet secretary cannot keep so much as a private diary, or should he do so, he shouldn't record anything he wouldn't be ashamed to see in the Section A of the NY Times. Please, let them keep some diaries! Without them, it hurts the publishing industry, which has no lids left to blow off as the displaced-by-new-administration secretaries publish their tell-all memoirs! Those can be some really great beach reading... if you like sunburn.

I propose that instead of secrecy, we pass a law saying that Bob Woodward will attend all committee meetings giving advice to the Executive, and as a balancing act, all Congressional earmarks are approved or turned down by majority of a committee of political bloggers. In order to balance the Judicial, well, I haven't worked all the bugs out, but it somewhat resembles having, instead of two lawyerly parties arguing before the court, Slate's Dahlia Lithwick presents to the justices her own hare-brained legal analysis of the case.

Posted by: LAN3 on June 26, 2007 2:44 PM

Hillary? Seriously? What we need is a President with balls. Someone who can liquidate the Saudi Royal Family, hunt down extremist Wahhabit douche-popsicles and the terrorist fanclub, at the same time obliterating the Christian Right, giving it a sadistic hobbling it truly deserves, pointing out that the Christian Right and Extremist Islam are two side of a devalued coin.

8 years of Cheney's sock puppet and Saudi Family teabagging in the Oval Office will not be any better if we get that waffling, blathering stuffed shirt that is Hillary.

Plus NRP is washed-up centrist drivel only fit for eunuchs and hygenically challenged former hippies.

Fuck, Bruce Campbell would be a better President than Hillary.

Posted by: Ted Haggard, gay porn star on June 26, 2007 6:28 PM

Crikey - where did this anti-Saudi thing come from!?

Posted by: Rik on June 27, 2007 6:03 AM

uh, yeah...no Hilary for me either. Of course, I have no clue as to WHO should be Ripley but I hope one comes forward very soon or we'll all have exploding bellies.

Posted by: b on June 27, 2007 8:56 AM

I think we shouldn't be so friendly as we are with the House of Saud, either, but I wouldn't go as far as Ted, above, except in one respect: Bruce Campbell for President!

This race has gotten ridiculous on both sides-- few people I know on either side have a particular candidate in mind, but they do have a short list that follows the phrase "Anyone but ______."

Posted by: LAN3 on June 27, 2007 12:19 PM

Ted, how about Elmer Fudd for President? If there's one guy who knows how to hunt down a Wahhabit, it's him.

Posted by: Lung the Younger on June 28, 2007 12:56 AM

Reading the first paragraph, I thought this was going to be another post about Squiggle.

Does anybody else see a parallel between Dick Cheney's 2000 search for a veep candidate leading to Dick Cheney, and Harriet Myers's 2005 search for a Supreme Court nominee leading to Harriet Myers?

Posted by: Scott Hardie on June 29, 2007 6:28 AM

I really want to like Hillary. I'm a woman, I'm a Democrat, and I voted for her husband twice. I even read "Living History" just to get a less media-driven sense of who she is. Most people who hate her don't have a fact-based reason for doing so. Still, I can't bring myself to support her campaign -- precisely b/c so many people dislike her and I really think the country needs to return to shades of gray instead of this dogmatic black and white in which we currently live. As of now I'm voting for Barack. My vote is his to lose. I'm reading "The Audacity of Hope" at the moment -- and he makes some really good points. Regardless, I'll vote for whichever Dem gets the nomination, including Hillary. Some would say that's poor strategy and I should bet on the winning horse...who knows. In either case, I found your Cheney/Alien analogy to be spot on. You crack me up; did you think your Hillary comment was going to incite this much discussion?

Posted by: Imanitsud on June 29, 2007 8:24 AM

I'm with Imanitsud. I think Hillary is too hated by the Republicans. I'd like to bridge the gap, and Obama fits the bill.

Posted by: Rob Cockerham on June 29, 2007 12:38 PM

By the way, Cheney isn't the xenomorph. He's only the face-hugger.

The real monster that's about to burst out of America's chest is Halliburton.

Wait and see: it only needed two presidential terms to gestate and that part of its life cycle is now no longer necessary.

Posted by: Bock the Robber on June 30, 2007 2:38 AM

Or perhaps, much like the dude who was experimented on in Alien Resurrection, we blow away the host organism before the alien can gestate. In this analogy it would mean the body politic grabbing the bad guy at precisely the right time, allowing the gooey, infant Cheney to pop through the evildoer's head.

Hey, maybe we can con ol' Rummy into playing the part of the bad guy, a two-for-one if you will...

Posted by: Indigent A-hole on June 30, 2007 4:22 AM

Why does being a woman necessitate one grovel at the altar of Hillary? So Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, or other aren't good enough? Hillary should be Ambassador to the UN, since she has a gift for obfuscating and saying things that mean everything and nothing at the same time. (With those skills, she could head any Cultural Studies department too. They are good at content-free jargon orgies of self-aware verbal idiocy.)

More on topic: the alien isn't Cheney or Halliburton or those big, bad Republicans (who are big and bad, I'm not being sarcastic). The alien is our addiction to oil. What will happen when gas is $6 a gallon and we still insist on driving Hummers and SUVS or else the terrorists win. Good thing the aliens burst out of the chest, because if they fed on the general intelligence of the American public, they'd die of starvation. (Translation: We're dumb, sanctimonious Saudi lovin' jizz buckets.)

Posted by: Larry the Cable Guy and / or Messiah on July 2, 2007 7:07 AM

I wouldn't describe the mental image of Hillary "strapping herself into" anything at all as fun.

Well scratch that...an electric chair would be amusing.

Posted by: Squidly on July 4, 2007 4:44 AM

The Ginger Ninjas have a great song out called "Dick Cheney (Needs More Love)".


Posted by: michelle de seattle on July 4, 2007 11:16 PM
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