July 03, 2008

Thinning the Flock


churchsign just added a passel of new templates. Go nuts.

[ link | Links]

June 17, 2008

Typical Reaction to the Revelation That I Do Not Own a Cell Phone, By Year

1998: Solidarity ("Yeah, me neither--I hate those things!")

1999: Envy ("Lucky you; I had to get one for work.")

2000: Indifference ("Okay, what's your home phone number then?")

2001: Encouragement ("You should get one--you can play Tetris on them now!")

2002: Confusion ("I thought you were, like, a tech guy.")

2003: Sympathy ("They're getting pretty cheap. You'll be able to afford one soon.")

2004: Irritation ("So how am I supposed to get a hold of you?")

2005: Derision ("If we go out tonight I'll send you a fax.")

2006: Skepticism ("Are you serious?")

2007: Awe ("Wow, you're like the last one.")

2008: Incomprehension ("You don't ... how ...?")

[ link | Links]

April 25, 2008

Ding Dong!

Ding Dong!

Yeah, you're gonna want to see that one at full-size.

[ link | Links]

April 23, 2008

The Descent of Bandann

While I allowed my blogging muscles to atrophy, my longtime friend has been pumping his up, and recently became the in-house blogger for the The Soup. And by "longtime friend" I mean, like, since first grade, although I've always known him by a name other than "Clog Narter." I can only assume that that's a pseudonym and/or anagram of "furry for life."

Reading his blog yesterday, I cam across his entry on Bret Michaels which was a little unsettling because I'd never even heard of this guy until an hour prior when I came across this mindnumbingly atrocious video, apparently drawn from a "tv show" where "girls" compete to go on "dates" with the Mr. Michaels. I've known for a while that the teaching of evolutionary principles in the public school system has been under siege, thanks to religious fundamentalism, the ID movement, and Ben Stein. But never have the horrific consequences of these efforts been as apparent as on Rock of Love. Surely any woman with even a cursory knowledge of phylogeny would recognize that the female's "mate choice" sexual selection criteria are askew when they vie for the affections of an organism who has, along with other exaggerated morphological features, a propensity for wearing bandannas.

February 14, 2008

Three Things That Made Me Laugh This Morning
  • A comment in the thread concerning Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'":

    That one line..."some will win, some will lose.." That line couldnt be more true. this one time i won, and then this other time, i lost. steve perry really tells it like it is.

  • David Wilhelm's lol'able lack of critical thinking skills.


    Wilhelm: I'm a superdelegate and I'm going for Obama. Others who have come out for Clinton need to keep in mind the proper role of the superdelegate: to reflect the popular vote.

    Interviewer: So if Hillary has the popular vote after Ohio, you'll switch to her?

    Wilhelm: No, why would I?

  • Review for Madonna's new film Filth and Wisdom: "Madonna has been a terrible actor in many, many films and now - fiercely aspirational as ever - she has graduated to being a terrible director. She has made a movie so incredibly bad that Berlin festivalgoers were staggering around yesterday in a state of clinical shock, deathly pale and mewing like maltreated kittens. She is also the producer and co-author of the script. If she'd done the location catering as well, they'd have had a Jonestown situation on their hands."

October 30, 2007

Halloween: Twenty Spooky Stories

The Body Snatcher by Robert Louis Stevenson (~ 7,500 words)

The Brazillian Cat by Authur Conan Doyle (~ 8,000 words)

The Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft (~ 12,000 words)

The Cedar Closet by Lafcadio Hearn (~ 3,750 words)

Dracula's Guest by Bram Stoker (~ 4,750 words)

The Furnished Room by O. Henry (~ 2,500 words)

The Haunted Author by Marcus Clarke (~ 1,500 words)

John Charrington's Wedding by E. Nesbit (~ 3,000 words)

The Lottery by Shirley Jackson (~ 3,500 words)

The Monkey's Paw by W.W. Jacobs (~ 4,000 words)

The Mortal Immortal by Mary Shelley (~ 5,500 words)

Nerves by Anton Chekhov (~ 1,500 words)

The Night Wire by H. F. Arnold (~ 2,500 words)

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce (~ 3,750 words)

Oh Whistle, And I'll Come To You, My Lad by M.R. James (~ 8,000 words)

The Signalman by Charles Dickens (~ 5,000 words)

Sredni Vashtar by Saki (~ 1,750 words)

The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe (~ 2,000 words)

A Terribly Strange Bed by Wilkie Collins (~ 6,750 words)

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman (~ 6,000 words)

* * *

Update: In the comments, Em asks, "what about Washington Irving?" Ah, yes. Well, I originally drew the line at 10,000 words, but, in the end, couldn't bring myself omit Call of Cthulhu. Having broken my own rule once, I see no reason not to do so again.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving (~ 12,000 words)

And, while we're at it:

Afterward by Edith Wharton (~ 12,000 words)

September 17, 2007

The Oregon Pundit

I can't imagine anyone desiring a higher-caliber of poltiical commentary than the below, but, in the off-chance you do, check our my father's new blog, Oregon Pundit, where you'll find much, much less comma-abuse than exists in this sentence.

[ link | Links]

September 26, 2006

Go For It!

Retroblast is having a contest: create a motivational poster based on a video game or pinball machine. This was my entry.

[ link | Links]

August 28, 2006

Irrational Exuberance

Things about which I have become unexpectedly enthusiastic:

Typing of the Dead: Though a lifelong and perhaps intractable hunt-and-peck typist, I occasionally resolve to teach myself touch-typing once and for all; it was during one of these misguided bouts of self-improvement that I picked up The Typing of the Dead. I don't know what idiot at Take2 Interactive thought that combining an ultra-violent zombie-killing bloodfest with an "edutainment" typing tutorial was a good idea, but I hope he was well-compensated because this is pretty much the best stupid game ever. It's exactly the same as the popular House of the Dead shoot-em-up, but you enter the infested residence armed with a keyboard instead of a pistol and blow the monsters into gibblets by typing the words and phrases flashed on the screen. So dumb, but I can't stop playing.

Bitter:Sweet: I can't listen to The Mating Game, the first single from Bitter:Sweet's debut album, and not wish I were wearing a tuxedo, sipping a martini, and carrying a Walther PPK in a shoulder holster. And that song is no abberation, the whole album is steeped in that frosty, lounge sound (listen to "Dirty Laundry" if you need further proof). Something incredible will have to come out in the next four months to prevent this from being my favorite album of the year. And hey, Seattlites: they're coming to Bumbershoot.

Pandora Internet Radio: Here's how Pandora works. You tell it an artist or song you like; it pulls tracks with similar styles from its database, adds them to your playlist, and streams the feed to you as a customized radio station. I'd dabbled with Pandora a few times in the past but never really saw the point: why not just listen to a radio station you enjoy instead of building one from scratch? But then I plugged the aforementioned Bitter:Sweet in there and discovered a host of similar bands. It's more of a super-sophisticated recommendation engine than a radio station, but I've found an astounding amount of great music using it. If you decide to register, you check out my dy Mix.

Chow Mein: Did I somehow never eat chow mein my first 34 years of life? It was like a revelation when I had it a few months ago, and I've been shoveling it into my maw non-stop ever since.

The Best of Youth: Netflix was insistent in suggesting The Best of Youth, putting a shooting star aside the title and giving it permanent slot atop my recommendation page. I was skeptical: you see my five star ratings for "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Barton Fink" and think I'm going to enjoy a six-hour Italian soap opera? I eventually ordered the film just to get Netflix to shut up about it, and, oh my, it's sublime. Covering over 40 years in the life of a single family, this is one of the most robust and rewarding DVDs I've watched in a spell.

August 14, 2006

Every Time A Friend Succeeds

In war movies it is a common practice for the members of a squad to pool their money, buy an expensive bottle of booze, and agree that the last man alive gets to drink it. If I had made a similar deal with my friends last year, substituting "last guy to hit the big time" for "die," I'd be well on my way to insobriety. To wit:

My buddy Josh bought a bar! And not just any bar, lovely Lottie's Lounge in the heart of Columbia City. If I were to rave about what a nice joint it is you'd correctly suspect me bias, so go read this laudatory Seattle PI article instead. It's a great place, you should check it out. And if you do, tell 'em Matthew sent you -- they won't give you a discount or nuthin', but I might get a free drink for the referral, and isn't that all that matters?

My Internet crush Mighty Girl Wrote a Book!: Mighty Mighty Maggie M. is now the author of No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blogthen boast about it on your weblog.") And if you pre-order it here, Maggie will send you an autographed copy. Other projects Maggie has been working on: The Mighty Mite and getting namechecked by Time Magazine.

My friend John Moe watched Red Dawn!: And then ... wrote a book about it! And though it's not even for sale yet, it has already taken the literati by storm!

John talked about the writing process quite a bit on his weblog (search for "book going"), in case you were ever wondering how one of these things gets made. The premise of his book is that he immersed himself in conservative culture for 30 days in an attempt to become a righty. I don't want to give away the ending, but the last time we hung out he alluded to William Kristol's "chisled abs," like, four times.

[ link | Links]

August 08, 2006


Rob Cockerham is a veritable fount of zany schemes, which is why is he often called "The Lucy Ricardo of the Web." (Actually, no one has ever called him that, but y'all should do so from this day forward.) You should read about his newest hairbrained / divinely-inspired project here, especially if you live anywhere near Sacramento. It sounds so fun that it actually made me wish I lived in California for a yoctosecond or two.

[ link | Links]

April 18, 2006

I Like Me

I'm totally hooked on Brandon Hardesty's re-enactment series. The Battle of Wits from The Princess Bride was widely circulated in the blogosphere, but my personal favorite is this scene from Planes, Trains and Automobiles. His impersonations of Martin and Candy are so spot-on it's downright eerie.

Hardesty says he is no longer taking requests, but I suppose he might be open to suggestions. Can you think of any well-written, dialog-heavy scenes involving two actors who display a range of emotions but don't interact physically (thus making it possible for Hardesty to perform both)?

December 07, 2005

I Woulda Come Up With A Funny Title If I Wasn't Ill
NyCap -- a winter time drink for the parents of small children
  • 1 oz tequila
  • 1 oz Kahlua
  • 1 oz 151 proof rum
  • Black Coffee
  • 2 tbls. NyQuil (cherry flavored)
  • Whipped cream
  • Coarse Sugar
Moisten rim of glass. Dip rim into coarse sugar to coat heavily. Pour tequila and coffee liquor into glass. Gently float 151 proof rum on top. Carefully ignite rum and swirl glass to lightly melt sugar with flame. Immediately pour in coffee to extinguish flames. Fill glass with whipped cream, top with 2 tbsp. of cherry-flavored NyQuil multi-symptom formula. Bolt in single swallow. The alcohol will numb you to the realizion that you will be spending the next three months confined to the house with a small child, the NyQuil will address the symptoms of whatever pestilence du jour your twerp brought home from the daycare yesterday, and the coffee and sugar will give you a burst of energy sufficient to clean exactly two of the scores of dishes that have accumulated in the sink while you've been grappling with the plague. Bottoms up!
Today I am sick, so that's as funny as I get, folks. Here's some links instead:
  • List of the 100 best board games of all time as voted on by a bunch of nerds. Apparently I was one of them, although I don't recall participating. And if I did participate, why the hell didn't Bermuda Triangle make the list -- that game was awesome!
  • I wonder how many Ralph Wiggum quotations are registered domain names. - check! - check! - check! - check. - check! - check! Jesus, the list just goes on and on. still available, though.
  • Clever idea, cool video, good way to get yourself shot by security.
  • I guess the second one didn't actually have any links in it. Or the fourth one, for that matter. I'm sick.

September 28, 2005

Feel Good Hit Of The Summer

This is X awesome, where X = "totally" * 1000. Backstory here.

[ link | Links]

June 27, 2005

Never Brake

Apparently Nike swiped the art from a Minor Threat CD and turned it into an ad. So some folks over at started a photoshop thread, imagining "other evil corporations ruining famous album covers." This was my contribution.

I found the iXor thread via Waxy's links

[ link | Links]

March 07, 2005


If you know what "fap" means in Internet parlance, you may find this amusing. You'll be even more amused to know that I stumbled upon this site while doing a Google Image Search for "Jennifer Connelly".

[ link | Links]

December 08, 2004


My harrowing account of frozen microwave pizza wrasslin ("a drama .. in real life!") made it onto This Is Broken, but several commenters said they had never encountered this kind of box. So I went to the Lean Cuisine website to see if I could find an image. (I'm not saying that the pizza in question was a Lean Cuisine, though the circumstantial evidence certainly points in that direction.)

I was unable to find an illustrative picture, alas. But I found something better: pages and pages of "customer reviews" for the various Lean Cuisine products. Maybe it's just me, but the unfettered enthusiasm and wanton exclamation pointal abuse in these reviews struck me as both vaguely suspect and terribly amusing. A sampling:

Shrimp and Angelhair Pasta: "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO GOOD! WAHOOO!!!"

Macaroni and Cheese: "These are my favorites! I just bought 20 of them today."

Cafe Classic Salisbury Steak: "Simply put on a scale of 1-10, this Cafe Classics Salisbury Steak is a 15!Enough said!"


Curiously, my review for the Four Cheese Pizza ("The box was complicated.") has yet to appear.

Update: I'm getting a surprising number of emails about this (four) so I'm turning the comments on.

November 30, 2004

Dubya, The Movie

Okay, well that's brilliant.

[ link | Links]

November 25, 2004

Basted In Blood

Happy Thanksgiving, all. And as has inexplicably become a yeti tradition, here is your annual link to the "Basted In Blood" video. It's the third down.

[ link | Links]

August 27, 2004

Sugar Substitute

How to watch boy-band Townsend's video:

  • Go to here.
  • Wait while the page loads up, which will take forever because everyone on teh intarweb is currently hitting it.
  • Get bored, wander off in search of coffee.
  • Return five minutes later to find a handful of queasy-looking coworkers crammed into your office and watching the now-playing video.
  • Try to stammer out an explanation as your workmates slowly turn to you with looks of unmitigated horror.

[ link | Links]

May 20, 2004

Gmail Swap

Here's you chance to learn one of the many two-player games I talk about. (Probably LotR:tC.)

Update: Got one -- thanks David! Everyone else: send me mail at matthewbaldwin [monkeytail] gmail [dot] com!

[ link | Links]

February 11, 2004

Poetry Corner

One, two, three, four, five.
Then seven syllables more
And you've got haiku!

Apprently I didn't inherit the poetic gene.

My father, meanwhile, writes actual poetry over at Measured Phrase.

Update: Hey, Ariel's father does poetry -- just like my da!

[ link | Links]

February 10, 2004

Carrier ... Or Killer??!

Okay, I made up Yugo To Hell in my last post, but the other two are actual Traffic Safety Film titles that I took from this pdf. Here are some other of my favorites, with the corresponding (and actual) descriptions:

Buckleman!: Buckleman is a fast-paced adventure focusing on the importance of using safety belts. Using his hi-tech belt-gun, Buckleman saves lives and protects the citizens of Buckeye City from his arch-foe, the Heckler.

All The Kids Do It: Dramatizes danger from a teen's point of view. Directed by Henry Winkler, it stars Scott Baio as Buddy, a high school student and Olympic caliber diver who learns that drinking and driving don't mix.

Just Like A Car: A musical and somewhat humorous presentation demonstrating how a bicycle is just like a car!

So Long, Pal: Fantasy and humor succeed in breaking down the resistance to treatment that people who have been arrested for driving under the influence often feel.

Gambling With Death: An effective presentation that utilizes the appealing touch of early silent movies in dealing with people's attitudes about railroad grade crossings.

Uneasy Rider: "Uneasy," in this case, means special awareness.

I love that last one the best. It's too bad Traffic Safety Film makers don't follow the porn industry's lead and use more titles that are based on popular motion pictures. Then kids would get to see Spinnin' In The Rain and Driving Miss Daisy While Intoxicated and The Crashed Samurai, or whatever.

[ link | Links]

January 01, 2004

Matthew Baldwin, Perpilocutionist

There are so many fabulous words over at the Glossary of Linguistics and Rhetoric that it's hard to pick favorites, but here are some of mine:

  • Apophasis: Mentioning something by declaring that it shall not be mentioned. "I need not remind you to get your Christmas shopping done early."

  • Cacography: Poor handwriting; also, incorrect spelling.

  • Dontopedalogy: An aptitude for putting one's foot in one's mouth.

  • Exergasia: Repeating a point by using different figures of speech to give the impression of saying something new.

  • Exonym: A name by which one people or social group refers to another but which is not used by said group to refer to themselves.

  • Fis phenomenon: The phenomenon where children reject well-meaning adult attempts to mispronounce a word in the same way as a child. Child: "Fis." / Adult: "Yes, it's a 'fis'." / Child: "No, 'fis'!" / Adult: "Oh, a fish." / Child: "Yes, a fis."

  • Graphospasm: Writer's cramp.

  • Illeism: The practice of referring to oneself in the third person.

  • Litotes: Understatement by negating the opposite. "I was not disappointed with the news."

  • Mendaciloquence: Lying as an art; adroit prevarication.

  • Perpilocutionist: One who expounds on a subject of which he has little knowledge.

  • Tmesis: Inserting a word in the middle of another. "Hoo-bloody-ray" and "un-freaking-believable."

[ link | Links]

November 19, 2003

Basted In Blood: The Video

Thanks to this post, defective yeti is the #1 return when searching Google for "basted in blood". Sadly, the link is broken, and I no longer know where you can find an mp3 of that hilarious Sarah McLachlin ditty.

But has the yeti ever let you down? No, he has not. Well, maybe that one time, when I predicted that Jeepers Creepers 2 would be "better than Casablanca". But aside from that, never.

You can see the Basted In Blood video here. It's the third one down.

[ link | Links]

July 07, 2003

My Name Is Matthew And I'm Here To Say ...

I'm typically not a OMFG'er, but OMFG. [Windows Media Player file]

Update: Also! This!

[ link | Links]

June 06, 2003

Recycled Air - Acoustic

If you are a fan of the Postal Service (hint: you should be), go here, enter Fri-June 6, 2003 -- 9 25 AM, and select your bandwidth. So good.

P.s. Thanks Tpoh!

[ link | Links]

June 04, 2003

80s Ending

Stop whatever you're doing and go watch this movie. Six minutes, well worth it.

[ link | Links]

May 14, 2003

Bomb The World

If you ask me, most of the hastily issued "anti-war" songs (REM's "Final Straw," Beastie Boy "In A World Gone Mad," Lenny Kravitz's "We Want Peace," etc.) that came out last month were what we in the music business refer to as "pretty lame".

But "Bomb The World (Armageddon Version)" by Spearhead, which I just heard for the first time on the sublime KEXP, is actually kinda catchy. [mp3] [lyrics]

Update: In the interest of fairness, here's Dan Worley's pro-war song "Have You Forgotten," which is also catchy, albeit it in a Frankly-Every-Country-Song-Sounds-Pretty-Much-The-Same-To-Me kind of way. But he manages to rhyme "bin Laden" with "forgotten", so, you know, mad props for that. [mp3] [lyrics]

Watch for Worley's next song "Baby, Give It Back!," a paean to Bush's "economic stimulus" package rapped to the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back":

I like tax cuts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
That you feel elation when they pass legislation
Givin' ends to some rich white guy
In retrospect, that wasn't very fair at all.

[ link | Links]

April 08, 2003

Five Links
  1. Oh so very, very funny.
  2. Remember this guy? Now he has his own blog. And it's way bloggy, let me tell you.
  4. "In times of emergency do not panic, take your neckwear and look for a safe escape path." (Thanks, Joshua.)
  5. By popular demand, I made the AMAZING PATRIOT ACT 2 thing a little more linkable. So, um, go nuts.
    1. [ link | Links]

January 30, 2003

When A Boy Gives You An Incapacitating Spinal Injury, That Means He Likes You

Vanilla Ice demonstrates the correct procedure for wooing women.

[ link | Links]

January 16, 2003

The Price is a Riot

These are great. Watch them all. But if you don't watch them all, at least watch Daniel.

And defective yeti readers: please spay and neuter your pets.

[ link | Links]

December 20, 2002

I, Clone

Yesterday Rob Cockerham bought a corn dog and I ate it. Thanks Rob Cockerham!

[ link | Links]

December 02, 2002


Three cheers to Ariel for pointing out this hilarious (and enraging) tale of social injustice.

Update: A little backtracking seems to indicate that miel at noodniksanonymous was the grandmommy of pointer-outters on this Katie Magic Wand thing. So seven and a third cheers for her as well.

[ link | Links]

November 13, 2002

Basted in Blood

I look forward to Thanksgiving every year just so I have an excuse to listen to this song (MP3 link).

It was performed on Saturday Night Live by Sarah McLachlan and Anna Gasteyer (a.k.a. Cinder Calhoun). This was the set-up:

Cinder: Thanks Norm, um as Sarah knows, I'm still not really comfortable with the term "standup comic", I really consider myself more of a weaver of satiric truths in the tradition of the great Appalachain humorists.
Norm: Sarah, how did you discover Cinder, here?
Sarah: Actually, it's a pretty funny story.
Cinder: Yeah, we were hanging out one night backstage with Alanis Morisette at the Follow your Bliss Tibetan freedom concert and everyone was in a real, like giddy slaphappy mood cause I was on a roll telling some pretty righteously funny Guatamalan animal riddles that I heard from a Latina friend. And Alanis was like totally stumped by the one about the trickster owl and the hungry bird and she goes "I don't get it" and I looked at Sarah and I just go " you you oughta know!"
Sarah: ...And I laughed so hard the baba ganoush I was eating came out of my nose!
Cinder: It was unbelieveable, it was unreal.
Norm: So you guys going to do some of your comedy for us tonight?
Cinder: Actually, Norm, Sarah and I feel that we'd be really remissed if we didn't use this platform to address an issue tonight. We were at a Maya Angelou poetry reading last night with Fiona Apple. She is so wise. Yeah.
Sarah: We were discussing the ritual torture and senseless slaughters of turkeys in the name of the gluttonous, nationalistic, patriarchal holiday that we call Thanksgiving.
Cinder: Right, and the sickest thing that Fiona told us is apparently that one company has a 1-800 number that gives out cooking tips and recipes encouraging the mutilation and consumption of these beautiful birds!
Sarah: (puts hand on Cinder's arm) Are you gonna be okay?
Cinder: Yeah... So, um, we wrote a song about it for all the turkeys out there who celebrate Thanksgiving. It's called "Basted In Blood".
Stolen from here.
[ link | Links]

October 24, 2002

Stuck On You

You know, I don't really like bumper stickers, but I could spend all day over at dreamin' them up.

Now that's entertainment, right there.
[ link | Links]

October 17, 2002

Fun While It Lasted

Head on over to if you need to purchase some powdered urine online.

Well, there you go folks: the Internet is officially complete. Thanks for stopping by.

[ link | Links]

October 03, 2002

New Additions to the Sidebar

I've added some new sites to the sidebar on the right.

Mimi Smartypants: First recommended in the comments of this thread, already one of my favorites.

Why God Why: I do not know why I was not reading this site prior to this week. I blame my upbringing.
Electrolicious: I was attracted to Ariel Meadow's site after reading her fine article about blogging on my bus ride home.
Boardgame Geek: Because I am one.
Prohibitive!: Weblog by Eric, friend and fellow Seattle denizen.
[ link | Links]

August 27, 2002

Three Links To Stuff I Like
[ link | Links]

August 23, 2002

Trust No One

Did you know that the X-files had a spin-off series? Did you know it was called "The Lone Gunmen" and focused on three conspiracy theorists? Did you know that the show premiered on March 4th, 2001? And did you know that the first episode was about bad guys crashing a plane into the World Trade Center?

I didn't, until kayjay pointed it out.

[ link | Links]

August 20, 2002

Brevity is the Soul of Wit

My favorite part of The Onion has always been the "News In Brief" section (as evidenced by my attempts at emulation). Now they have a NiB Archive. Oh, oh dear.

[ link | Links]

August 01, 2002


Whoa hey! I'm seeing a lot of new faces this morning. I suspect that many of you are here because Kafkaesque was kind enough to link to the yeti on his blog. I suspect others of you are here because you and I recently had a torrid weekend of passion, and although I have repeatedly insisted that I am a happily married man and our time together was just a case of "two adults who saw an opportunity and took advantage of it," you are now searching the Internet for my home address so you can come over to my house and boil my rabbit and wind up stabbed in the bathtub.

So anyhow ... wait, where was I going with this? I have no idea.

Oh, hang on, yes I do. I was saying that it's a staggering coincidence that Kafkaesque linked to the yeti yesterday, because I had been totally planning to link to his site, My Life As An American Gladiator, today on my home page! I had been planning this for weeks. I called it "Super August First Gladiator Surprise!" And although I admit the whole thing looks a little chummy, I can assure you that neither tit nor tat is involved. No quid, no pro --okay, yeah, maybe there's a little quo, but that's it.

It's, like, you know how all those corporations give all that money to politicians, and all those politicians make all those laws that favor corporations? And it seems really hard to believe that there's no correlation between the two? But then there's that one guy, the guy with the suit on the tv, and he says there's no connection whatsoever, and he must be telling the truth because he has a really expensive haircut? It's exactly like that. A zany statistical anomaly.

So go read his site. It particular, read the entire Calamto saga.

Oh, and while we're on the topic of duck-herding sheepdogs, you should also take a gander (ha!) at this.

[ link | Links]

January 17, 2002

January 16, 2002

Curse Those Non-English-Speaking Workers

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that, right about now, somebody feels like a complete ass: Plaque Inscription Mistakenly Thanks Martin Luther King's Killer for "Keeping the Dream Alive". Here's hoping that the guilty party never goes into the tattoo business. Be sure to check out the last few paragraphs in which the plaque company's owner, invoking the "infinite monkeys on infinite keyboards" theory, blames the whole snafu on a non-English-speaking worker who apparently picked the letters R-A-Y at random. Let's all sadly shake our heads together, shall we?

[ link | Links]

January 15, 2002

Wine Experts Are Frauds

I knew it! Last night on NPR, Marketplace [realaudio link here] reported on a study to be published in the scientific journal "Brain and Languages" which suggests, in effect, that the verbage wine "experts" use when describing a wine's bouquet is a bunch of pretentious twaddle. Here's the BBC's article on the findings, in which a researcher poured odorless red dye into white wine, served it to 54 students, and then recorded the drinkers' comments, all of which described the concoction with red wine imagery.

Also: The science of getting shitfaced The "New Scientist" directory of articles relating to drunkenness. Some of my favorites: why drunk people tend to stagger more to one side than another, drunks can control their behavior if they really want to, and girls can match boys drink for drink, so long as they stick to beer.

[ link | Links]

January 12, 2002

10 Minute Addiction

Seven minutes and fourteen seconds of fun.

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January 11, 2002

How Much Porn

Hey, just how much porn is inside a standard print cartridge anyhow?

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January 10, 2002

Patron Saint's Index

Session review from the last B.A.G.E.L. gamenight is now posted, which makes special mention of the Patron Saints Index.

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Send a card to Mazie.

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Funniest thing I've read in a spell: Journal of a New COBRA Recruit

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